I'm not sure where to really start. I have suffered from depressions for over 10 years now, I am on medication and have been so for over a year (I had previously been on them throughout the entire 10 years) but I feel as though it isn't getting better and I think I may have bipolar, suicidal thoughts are often an occurrence. I was in a mentally abusive relationship which lasted 5 years, and I am still suffering because of that, my ex is constantly threatening to call docs on me (I do yell at my kids, but I am so stressed about everything else. I am changing my tactics as well as I can with my kids) he also keeps threatening to take them away from me, I know he doesn't want them, it is just to control me. I feel like I can't do anything with my kids, in fear that someone will tell him what I have done and then I get abused about it, if the kids miss a day at school, he is told by people we both know, I feel like I'm being watched, and everything that I do is a failure. If our daughter has a lunch order he rings the school and asks what was on it, and if it isn't healthy to his standards I'm abused. I can't live my life like this, I have spoken to him about it, and he doesn't care, I haven't been with him for over 6 years now and he still controls everything. I am in a relationship now and it is taking a toll on it, because of my ex. I feel worthless and hopeless, I feel that my kids are better off without me and with him because I'm not good enough. I just don't know what else to do, I have lost close friends and family members because of it. I do see my doctor regularly and I will be seeing a psychologist next week, but every day is a struggle to get out of bed and get motivated.
2 Replies
*hugs*
Personally I would be having no contact with mutual friends of his no matter who they are. Then calling the school and telling them they are not to pass information on to him unless it is about his childs health or well being. You dont need to answer to him unless your children are not taken care of and are in danger.
I would also be seeing a police officer and lawyer and see if you can get a restraining order to stop him from calling you or seeing you.
What he is doing is emotional abuse and should not be tolerated in any way.
Keep going on your path to recovery and dont look back. Just do what you need to do and forget him and his garbage. To be honest let him call docs and whatever he is threatening chances are if he tells them your letting your child have junk food, the occassional day off school and yelling sometimes they will laugh at him. Pretty sure they have more important things to worry about.
You need to worry about you not him :-)
Good luck and I really hope you can get back to a happy place and be free of the depression.
This sounds exactly like my sister and her ex. She went to mediation recently, despite being broken up from the father for many years. This sounds like a good idea for you to, if you haven't taken that path yet. Her ex is a manipulating mental abuser. Horrible piece of work. But do you know what? He, and every other pathetic sod like him, only do it to people who allow them to. My sister was told by a solicitor/psychologist that he continues to try and control her, years later, even though she's in a new relationship, has another child and is about to be married, because she continues to LET him. Very few people in his life have given him chance after chance without eventually putting their foot down - but she always lets him pull the strings. The psychologist told her to take some control back. And the only way to do that is to sometimes say NO to him. Stand up for yourself. Go to mediation (if he'll go). In detail, tell the solicitor every single thing that this guy does - he'll know straight away what kind of man he is, these people have seen it all before. Explain to your ex, that you will not be communicating with him over the phone any longer because of how he talks to you. All communication will now be via email. Unless there is an emergency while the children are in his or your care. Specifically give examples of what classifies an emergency - children have had an accident, are very sick etc. Then and only then, will you accept a phone call, or be calling him. If he calls you and you have the kids. Don't answer. If he calls on a private phone number and you answer, hang up when you hear his voice. Have a stern talking to, to the people who you think may be his 'spies' feeding him the information and tell them to keep their nose out of it. BE STRONG! You can do this. If he calls the tuckship to 'check the kid's lunch', you know what, WHO CARES! When he calls you about it. You hang up on him. Straight away. No tolerance. If he texts you. Delete it. Ignore it. Don't let it in. Most importantly, for the sake of your current relationship, try not to over-talk the situation with your partner. Of course you need to vent, but this really will tear your relationship apart. So talking to an outside party every now and then (counsiller etc), will be good to give your current partner a break. It's not your fault AT ALL, be he really has inherited a lot of baggage.