Just dont know what to do! My husbands grandmother funeral is next week, im not sure if i want to take my son, he is almost 4. My mil use to take my son to see his great grandmother once a week to visit her in the home, so he had a lovely bond with her. Just not sure if he would understand whats going on, let alone seeing everyone upset, as it woyld make him very upset. I asked my husband and all he said was that my mil wants him to be there. Just dont know what to do????
8 Replies
Kids are great at funerals and people tend to be more subtle in there grief when children are around because the kids cheer them up being kids.
I think it would be fine in this case. I have taken my son who was 4 at the time to my nans funeral, he was fine. People were crying and very upset but because she was older it was more a celebration of her life, so there were a few laughs amongst the tears, not traumatic at all. However I would not take a young child to the funeral of the sudden death of a young person for instance, as that would be alot more traumatic peoples emotions would be very raw.
Personally if I was you I would take him, talk to him 1st about it let him know she has passed away, and this everyone's way of celebrating her life and getting to say good bye, I have a 5 yr old and a 14 month old and elderly grandparents and when something happens to them both my kids will be there, no matter what anyone says x sorry for your family's loss as well xx
When my children were 3 and 7 their grandfathers both passed away in the space of 6 months. They attended both funerals. I had someone who could come and sit with them up the back and take them out if they were being noisy or upset and needed to leave. It worked quite well. I would say take them but have someone with you who can take care of them if you will not be able to.
i vote take him. its really important for kids to learn about death in a healthy way, and a great way would be to attend the funeral of someone that he knew. its important to talk it through with him, talk about what you believe happens when you die, and let him ask questions. try to do this before going. talk about funerals being an opportunity for people to say goodbye to that person because we cant see them here anymore and that people might be upset because they miss her. kids bring a inocent joy to these situations as well. maybe bring some quiet activities for him to do in the back at the ceremony part but definately involve him in it. if you intorduce it this way it might be easier the day his grandparents die and he will want to attend those funerals as well....
I just went to a funeral recently, my partners uncle, I didn't take him. My three year old would not sit through a funeral. If someone passes that he was close to then i would have to consider him to attend. Depends on the child too, do you think he would cope with sitting still and all the sadness? You would have to explain to your son before you left how the funeral will be like so he doesn't get a shock.
My son attended his fathers funeral when he was 2. I was embarrassed by him playing with his cars during the ceremony, but others came to me afterwards and told me how wonderful it was to have him there, reminding us that life goes on. I have since had a 2yr old and 3yr old at their great grandmother's funeral, then when they were 3 and 4, at their grandmother's funeral... Just make sure you explain beforehand what is happening, you don't want awkward questions during it all.
When his great grandmother died I talked to my eldest, just turned 4, about how she had died. He didn't quite get it, others were telling him she had gone to sleep, never a good idea. I had already decided to view her and gave him the option to come with me. My mother drove us to the funeral home and when we got there he decided not to come in. I reassured him that was OK. I went in and after a few minutes he appeared beside me. He asked where Old Nan was, he couldn't see her in the casket, so I told him and he asked to see. I helped him to look in and he asked me if she was sleeping because she looked like she was. I explained that the part that made her who she was, her soul, had gone and that she wasn't sleeping. That sleeping meant you could wake up. He was fascinated and not distressed at all. Mainly because I wasn't either. We did talk about how sad it was and many other things that he asked. He also went to the funeral. My point is death is a part of life, it's only when we make it some secret, not to be talked about, mystery that the problems start. On a side note, this was also the first time I had seen a body as well.