Okay so We both have one child each from previous relationships and 2 under 3 together. He's 27 I'm 23. His is 7 mine is 5. My bios dad walked out when he was born, new partner has been in his life since he was 1 and with his son well do the math of how long I've been involved. My son calls him dad and adores him, his calls me mum as well. I asked my step son how he'd feel if we were to separate and he said my world would fall apart because our family is the reason he's happy. My bio had the same reaction. The reason for separation is due to my partner cheating with his sons bio mother whilst I was pregnant last year. I've tried and tried but every day feels like I've just been told. Honestly tried counseling & everything you could imagine. We don't argue, we get along fine actually, we haven't argued since the day I was told which was 7 months ago, you wouldn't be able to pick what's happened with us at all. But it has broken me, I'm not the same! I'm happy in myself and I care only about my kids now instead of being that person that was there for everyone for anything. He's put me through a lot but that was the most worst I could imagine him doing and it has come true. I care so much about my step son like my own since day one. Its like every time I think about setting up my back up plan to have something to fall back on, I feel so guilty for our eldest I cry!! Then breathe and convince myself to stay. I don't know what I should do. But I can't keep living every day telling myself to suck up the hurt, it was working for a while till I found myself in a puddle of tears. If anyone has advice on how to move past this, that would be great. But if you don't yet have advice on how to separate successfully involving my situation, it'd be very much appreciated. There's Alot more to this but I CBF writing a book. Please help if you can. Thanks ladies. :( p.s I'm also heavily pregnant.
5 Replies
Ok I'd leave. He has hurt you too much and someone 'who's world would fall apart' if you separated Doesn't cheat on there partner! Honestly he sounds emotionally abusive (reading between the lines).
Your kids deserve to have a mum who can truly be herself, and isn't breaking down. They deserve a mum who shows them not to put up with less than being treated with total respect.
Your kids will be fine if you separate. Your eldest will still see his step dad because his siblings will be seeing there dad.
Don't stay out of guilt for your kids. Your son would never want you to do that.
Sorry my mistake I meant step son not s/o. But thanks for your advice mumma. Appreciate the time ypu took out to comment :)
This was so sad to read.
I wanted to send a virtual hug.
I'm so very sorry this has happened.
I just want to add, don't stay for the kids. Stay if you love him and can forgive him. If you stay for the kids it will eat you up inside and it will end eventually anyway. It sounds like you've tried everything that you possibly can.
If you can leave knowing there was nothing else you could try you will never wonder 'what if'
Merry Christmas hun xx
Oh Hun it is terrible to hear you feel this way. 7 months is still a really short time to have known about it. Unfortunately this hurt will stay with you for a long time.
Only you can make the decision to separate and maybe it might be a good thing for your relationship or might give you clarity on the situation. Also you mentioned you haven't argued since the day it was mentioned...that doesn't sound like a normal reaction to something like cheating. Have you been to counselling individually and separately? If not that would be really helpful because at present it sounds like you are just telling yourself to ignore the pain and internalising it rather than venting and getting some resolution.
Again it is early days but if no counselling I think more for your sanity and to provide you with clarity for your decision it would be great.
Regarding separation maybe think about the pros and cons for YOU about this. Like financially, children, friends and mental health of you mainly. Separation is sooo hard and a really lonely process. I'm not saying it'a impossible but just make sure you can prepare as much as you can for it mentally and also make sure you have a few good friends you can call on those days you doubt yourself or just miss him.
Whatever you decide, the kids will be able to deal with. They are resilient and your mental health is the most important thing. This decision can only be made by you. Best of luck with it all! Lots of hugs being sent your way! Xx
Whatever you decide, please don't ask the children that question, they should never be worried about adult issues like that. It will be hard enough if you do separate, don't let them worry about it all this time until you make a decision, best of luck.