In January 2016 my ex kept my son from me, he had done it before but never refused me contact, we had been through mediation and had an agreement untill he broke it, in march I had cracked, I overdosed and hurt myself severely, resulting in being put in a mental ward for a total of 5 weeks, while I was in hospital I seeked legal help as my last solicitor was a joke, I got released from hospital and after a few months of home therapy I was fully discharged from the hospitals care, I'm now off my medication and doing really well, but have only had supervised visits once a week since being relesed from hospital, seeing my pshycologist every 3 weeks (all I need), now mind you I haven't touched alcohol, medication (other than what was prescribed) or hurt myself in any way since being released from hospital, yet my ex is still playing mind games, my OD was me "flipping my lid", I couldn't handle anymore, but I've since bounced back amazingly and have everything under control, I've requested so many times that I get my son home or more visits, yet I get thrown back under the bus like nothing's changed, (also I never ever self harmed or done anything remotely un-healthy when my son was in my care), a glass of wine or two after he went to bed was the extent of it, I'm in no way a bad mum, I always put my boy first, I just don't know how to keep playing his game without tripping over.. how do you do it? I'm strong, and I'm so proud of myself, but with Christmas approaching fast, and the same games getting played, I'm loosing hope in that I'll get to see him Christmas Day.. I won't fall back into old habits, I know better, I wouldn't risk everything I've worked so hard towards, but boy do I need someone who's battling the same demons to just tell me to hang in there, that I'm overthinking this, and that it will all work out in the end!
2 Replies
My mum went through some very similar things throughout my childhood.. We were only removed from her care once (briefly) as she was too ill to take care of us, so I can't really comment on that side of things - and I can only imagine the devastation you are experiencing.
What I can say with certainty is that my mum is the absolute best person I know, and my sisters would tell you the same. I'm proud to say that she hasn't done anything like that in a long time, and has been able to manage difficult times in healthy ways.
She is stronger than anyone I know, and I have so much respect for the way she conducts herself, and how she has overcome this sometimes crippling illness.
What I'm trying to get at is that you are doing an incredible job of healing yourself and seem to be on the right path. It may take more time than you hope for to have your son home with you - I really hope not - but please know that if you keep working at this your son will have nothing but pride and admiration for you. And that will last for his lifetime.
Please hang in there. Whatever happens at Christmas, keep up the strength you have discovered and don't give up.
I'm so proud of you for getting the help you needed and your child will be forever greatful. My personal experience has been on the flip side as my ex overdosed, though I had never stopped visits he had his own issues he was battling through. Unfortunately my children found him as he did it while they were visiting him. I honestly don't think I've ever been so angry and upset... I was truly devestated. I hated him in that moment so much, because if he hadn't pulled through the last memory my kids would have had of him would have been how they found him. He pulled through and while he was undercare the kids had no contact with him. It was so hard for me to trust him again with the kids... and a few years on I'm finally there and we are actually really good co-parents because now we communicate about how he is coping. I learnt a lot about myself during the whole process too. I'll had to learn to put my negative feelings aside at times and think about what is best for the long term for my kids... which can be hard when you are angry at someone! I hope your ex can see all the hard work you have done and can learn to get over his hurt and put your childs needs first. Keep doing the right thing and be proud of how far you have come. Sending you love and hugs xxxx