My 4yo is due to start prep in the new year. While she's excited about starting "big school" I'm concerned that she may not be ready emotionally or socially.. I'm considering having her repeat kindy but I'm not sure if I'm making the right decision for her and would love some advice..
She is a very bright girl but there are a few things that concern me. She still soils herself, quite often (we have seen drs, paediatricians, and a gastroenterologist, tried a number of things but so far no luck) and I've been informed that if she soils herself at school they won't clean it up, they will call me and I will have to go clean her up (I completely understand this as it would leave them open to accusations of abuse) however, I work 40 minutes away 4 days a week so this may be an issue.. I am all for putting my child's needs first but I also need to work.. I am also worried about her being teased and becoming more self conscious about pooing her pants. Certain people including a teacher at kindy have made a big deal out of her pooing her pants which has caused her to become reserved and self conscious.
she also throws tantrums and I mean full blown screaming, kicking, running away, crying tantrums when I drop her off at kindy. She prefers to play by herself and will tell me that she "hates" the other kids at daycare (kids she used to love talking about and even used to call her bestfriends) and when I ask why she says it's because they don't talk to her.
I'm not sure if this is normal 4yo behaviour as I've never had to deal with this before but I'm at a loss of what to do. I should also mention that I am currently pregnant and bub is due mid year, we are also moving a few hours away just before I'm due so that would mean pulling my 4yo out of school and sending her to a new school which I feel would be a disruption.. I feel guilty even thinking about holding her back and I worry that she will be teased when she's older. I only want the best for my daughter so if You have any advice then please share..
Thanks in advance
8 Replies
I'd hold her back. I'd also take the extra year to get a full work up with psychologist/paediatrician regarding her social/emotional/behaviour. On top of the soiling getting things done now and taking the extra year now will make a HUGE difference. Children often do an extra year of kindy in these situations. I would bluntly say that the behaviour you have described is not typical behaviour for a four year old.
I think starting school with another year of maturity and potentially more information for the school to work with can be a real game changer.
This is what every parent hates to hear but is she getting the diet she needs? High fibre and lots of water? We have this same issue with all 3 of our children since they've been toilet trained and it's claimed that it's behavioural when it's actually quite clear it's the diet.
My son has both bowel and bladder incontinence and has had a lot of support at school. When he was younger, the teacher's aid assisted with soiling clean up twice a day (1/2 hour after eating), they also assisted when he started bladder catheterisation (just observing when he first started). He was given a special toilet where he has all his supplies (takes them Monday), we made a set routine and he mamaged the whole process from about grade 2. Public schools are all inclusive and support all kids with whatever their needs are. I'm not saying don't repeat, because it sounds like it may help her, just letting you know the support is there if you need it.
I am currently going through this with my daughter. She is born the week of cut off for school. I so hoped and got her ready for next year at school however patience wise and talking (small speech troubles) the teachers have asked me to keep her back. They have said never have they met someone who regretted holding the child back in kindergarten but have met many who have regretted not holding them back.
From her issues she's going through I think it would be nicest to hold her back. I hate the idea of my child staying back I was so excited to be heading back to work and study and moving all which will be on hold for another year but I know it's best for her. Over the holidays while there's no kinder work on her toilet issues and her tantrums. Is there another kinder that she may enjoy and relax into if she's that scared of being there and have had incidents with her teachers that may be the reason for both issues?
It's not about how clever or bright she is. If she is not emotionally and socially ready to deal with kids who could be a year older than her, it probably isn't in her best interests to send her. I have a four year old who turns five in April. I could send her next year but i am holding her back. She is beyond her years mentally but she is still emotional. Too emotional and in equipped to deal with conflict. My reasoning is the above and because i myself was an early starter-send at 4 but nit 5 until July-and i suffered for it. I had a lot of issues socially and as a result was very distrustful of people because i felt let down. Please consider holding her back and giving her time to mature and learn to cope better. It is amazing what can happen in a year with our precious little people ❤
If this was my child i would personally repeat them but not at the same kindy. She obviously doesnt like going and isnt getting encouraged by her teachers to make friends and its against code of conduct for a teacher to belittle a child for soiling themselves. Her teacher and the kindy itself could very well be contributing to her behavior and she may not have the emotional delvopment to tell you this there for acting out and screaming when you leave.
I'd definitely hold her back a year. My son is doing a second year of 3 year old preschool. Hes not ready for 4 year old kindy. They are better off going when they are more than ready. I learnt that lesson with my first when I sent him to school earlier than I should have. He struggled.
Hold her back! I am holding my 4 year old son back, with absolutely no guilt whatsoever. Academically, he is on fire! Socially/emotionally, very immature. To me, those are more important than his great skills with math and English ect.
As for the bowel issues, my son only started using the toilet for #2's about 3 months ago! It was all about his development and when he was ready. He wasn't.
If she has been checked out and all is fine, she will get there when she is ready, gentle reminders that poo goes in the toilet and that accidents happen, it's ok.
Don't feel bad about holding her back, I know my son is the fortunate one. An extra year of play, a little more freedom, and to have fun before they get hammered with the academics. Because teachers aren't there for their emotional wellbeing and their social skills. Kindy helps with these.