Help!
I've just discovered one of my daughters has started cutting. Right now it's not deep, more like scratches but there's a lot of them on her arm.
I pointed to them and said "dude wtf, cutting isn't cool. What's going on?"
She's getting called names at school and rightly so doesn't like it. I don't want to make a huge deal about it, but I can't let it slide either.
I'll be speaking to her class teacher tomorrow so she is aware there's a problem.
Thing is, I've taken this child to counselling before (through headspace) and she hated it. Flat out refused to go again.
Just curios what you'd do in my situation..
3 Replies
You get a referral for a psychologist. You sit in on some of the sessions. Of course she hated it, coubselling and psych isn't fun, it's hard work and uncomfortable. But she needs to learn better coping mechanisms.
I went through this as a teen. For me it was a release. A release of all the pain, anger and sadness. When I did it, I imagined all my negative emotions bleeding out of me with the blood. I was eventually hospitalised on suicide watch and a friend gave me a beautiful notebook. I started writing and found that to be my new release. It directed my pain away from my skin and onto paper. I wrote about anything and everything, not like a diary but actual short stories. And I still have it now, and I still read those stories now and feel the same release.
I also went through it with a family member who was in our care. Much like your daughter, she hated counselling and refused to go. I explained to her that as her primary carer, the person in her mother role, I had a duty of care to her to make sure she went to her appointments. What she chose to do in those appointments was up to her- she could sit in silence if that's what she wanted. She eventually told me that she didn't like the person she was seeing. Ok, we will find someone you do like because you are allowed to do that you know! And it doesn't matter if you don't like the next, we will keep going until we find someone you feel comfortable with. And eventually she did. And she actually looked forward to her appointments. The person she ended up clicking with understood something about her that the others failed to work out- she responds better through art. So they would spend the sessions drawing or colouring and chatting. For the first time in forever, she was able to trust someone enough to open up. And it's because she wasn't pressured into talking.
Get to the GP for a mental health plan, then to a psychologist for 10 bulk billed visits per year. Obviously needs to be a psychologist who specialises in young people.
Do your own research on ways to help your daughter. Start with a list for your daughter to refer to of diversions and alternatives for when she feels like cutting. Eg, elastic band on her wrist to flick, going out for a run, play with a pet, starting a new after school activity, limiting social media, getting her out of her bedroom and doing anything different.
The cutting is a physical distraction from the mental pain they are going through. If Headspace isnt the right place, then it is on to Plan B