My eldest son is 3 in march, he won't do anything he is asked for me or his father, he smashes eggs all over the kitchen and family room floor and just laughs at me and won't clean it up, when I get down to clean it up he smashes my face into the floor by climbing up onto my back then constantly kicking my head down, I've tried time out I've tried smacking his bum and telling him to stop it but he won't listen. He has made me cry and has given me a bloody nose and smashed two sets of my glasses everything I do to discipline him seem to make it worse, my husband doest really care and tells me to get over it, but he's even smashed a pair of my husbands glasses. I need help with him and my doctor says he is still to young to be tested for any behavioural problems j
5 Replies
Your doctor is wrong!! Get a second and third opinion if you need to. Also a good smack on the arse has never hurt a child. Put a lock on the fridge. As to the cleaning up the egg mess he's 3 force his hands to do the work! If he's like this at 3 I can't imagine what he'll be like at 13. Your husband is a pig, if my other half told me to get over it he'd end up sleeping somewhere other than the bed we share, I'd probably make him share a room with the 3 year old.
Your doctor is wrong! Get a new GP and ask for a referral to a behavioural psychologist and peadiatrician.
My son was diagnosed at 2 years old 20 years ago. Ridiculous!
Well it wouldn't probably help if your husband got on bored with the discipline too!
First of all - locks on all cupboards, fridges etc. If he's got time to get in and smash eggs everywhere then he's unsupervised too long. Kids that age need social and sensory engagement. Try helping him engage in sensory activities such as play doh, water play, give him a squirt bottle with water and food colouring in and tape some paper to an outside wall, let him squirt it and make patterns. Summer's coming up, engage him in outdoor messy play. Don't leave him to his own devices and expect him to sort himself. Be with him. Play with him.
Treat him like a good kid. Praise the bejesus out of him when he plays nicely and when he helps out. Make him feel special - ask him to be your big helper and hand you pegs when hanging the laundry, help put dishes away (plastic ones maybe, for starters). Show him how to be a good, helpful person. If you're cleaning, give him a cloth and let him help you dust or wipe down walls etc.
If he is aggressive with you, hurts you, step away before he escalates. Don't smack - you can't expect to smack a little kid as a way to teach them not to hit/hurt/be violent. Not only is it confusing but it's hypocritical! Stand back and say "I won't let you hurt me. Can you show me gentle hands?" Demonstrate what you want.
I agree with the previous posters, he needs assessment and you should get a second, third, fourth opinion until you are listened to.
Firstly, get a second opinion and get him assessed. If he does get diagnosed with a behavioural problem, you're husband is still the bigger the problem. Not backing you up telling YOU to get over it, sends mixed messages to your son. He thinks that no matter what he does, Dad won't care and is going to tell Mum to get over it and no amount of discipline on your part will work.
My sister is in the same boat, absolutely no back up from her partner no matter what their sons (8 & 4), are saying/doing. He pretty much laughs at her in front of them and returns whatever she confiscates from them as discipline. So incredibly frustrating to watch. Now, surprise, surprise, her eldest is obnoxious and rude to other adults. Point is, they don't just grow out of it. They get bigger and stronger and will start displaying this behaviour outside the home.
Your husband needs to get on board, what your son is doing to the house and you is out of control. If your son does have a behavioural problem, your husband is making it 100x worse. He needs to know boundaries & consequences in order to function in the outside world. It is his job as a parent to teach him, not to turn a blind eye.
People in the outside world will really care and won't "get over it" if he carries on like he does at home.