All you lovelies that are separated do you disclose every sickness your child has to your ex? Cold, ear infection, croup, etc etc? If it was major or life threatening obviously I would tell but am I supposed to tell every time she has some form of sickness?
No current parenting orders but DV orders with us both on. He has Supervised visits. At a visit I said somethings like why are you sticking your finger in your ear is it still sore you've nearly finished your medication. Her dad goes to her that mummy should remember there's two parents. Tell mummy thanks for telling me. Remind mummy to tell daddy whenever your sick blah blah.
What's everyone's take on it? It's not like he messages and goes how is she? Maybe once in a blue moon he will but not like he asks any questions or anything. If I give up information great he will take it but he doesn't ask for any information.
Am I in the wrong for not disclosing every single illness she has that's not major or life threatening?
Am I in the wrong?
Am I in the wrong?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Behaviour
13 Replies
Were you and him on a visit together? Thats all really damaging conversation that he did to her!
Change to proper supervised if you can so things like that dont happen or at least get witnessed.
No i dont tell him because he has a way to imply its me somehow even though he hasnt seen them in weeks and he shouts stupid things like youre always sick or theyre always sick as an attack on me, and he never helps anyway.
So sorry your going through this. It's hard isn't it. Hugs to you.
I supervise visits at a public place. He always says shit to her. He's going to take her blah blah just constantly says shit. I've it goes to a proper place he will not say anything to make himself look good ?
He could message and ask how she is never does. Maybe once every few months he will message and say how is she. Or if she sounds sick he asks her but not me. Like seriously don't think every minor thing needs to be disclosed to him! She has had health issues and I disclosed when they were serious but I'm not living my life reporting to him daily. It got to a point j needed to buy a separate number just for him to contact on as I was over getting shit constantly.
If he wont say it thats exactly why they should visit there - for your daughters sake.
You need to remember this is not the issue. Whether you tell him or not is irrelevant. its him trying to control you. As you said he doesnt care or check in. This is just his attack of the moment. If it isnt this it will be something else.
I can't afford a contact centre and I'm not sure he would agree to it there. Yes him saying things to her is damaging. She doesn't even just want to play with him at visits she wants me too. I don't think she would be ok without me. A social work has already said that its best for her that I'm there due to her constant want and need of me. But yes if it's not one thing it's another that he seems to try and control me with. Either financially or whatever is the flavour of the moment. It's not I don't want to tell him but if I was with him I wouldn't phone the moment she got sick. It's just draining constantly trying to keep up with his drama. He's never happy. It's never good enough.
Honestly you need to cut contact with him and stop these issues from the root - him having opportunity.
This is not good for you so is not good for your daughter you need to find another solution. This is not a long term solution youre not moving forward or getting clear of him and his drama. And you really need to.
I don't think you are in the wrong. I just think it's such a small thing to do, and it makes you look good if you do it. It takes 2 seconds so not something worth digging heels in over.
I wouldn't phone, just text or email.
I agree, honestly with someone like that, pick your battles. If you fight about everything with him, when he says or does something really bad and you have a go, he won't listen. With a prick like that, speaking from experience, it is sometimes not about being right, learn to manage your coparenting relationship, be smart about it.
I'm just so drained by him. It's seriously a never ending drama fest. I thought I'd escape most of the stuff when I left but it's just constant even after two years. Once something gets sorted be moved onto the next. There's no contact orders in place except agreed apon in writing for visits or calls. It got so bad he stared sending stuff to my mum instead of me. I try to forget about him and his dramas other than visits. It's so mentally draining.
I hear you! I am so drained by my son's father and tired of the constant drama.
Sometimes you have to pick your battles. No I don't think you need to tell him about even sniffle and cough, but for the sake of some peace from the drama, just send him a quick msg every time she is sick to shut him up. I Feel sorry for you. I know the pain.
I think this is terrible advice. I really think you should see a psychologist to get some advice and guidance. This is clearly not a regular coparenting situation. You've changed your number to stop contact do not start again now!
I think he's just being an arse! Being manipulative in front of your kid. I doubt he really would care to know if your son was sick with a cold. He's just playing games.
It's not like he needs to know because he has to keep an eye on him!
You're not in the wrong.
It would be nice of you to share their medical things with him. My ex got this written into his parenting orders in mediation (not that she ever followed it)
Just remember one day he may have shared care and I'm sure you would want him to inform you.
put him on written notice to cease and desist emotionally abusing her and devaluing you in front of the child or to the child. Have a witness ALWAYS present, they usually pull their head in then. He's wanting your attention, this is about him trying to get you to react. Don't react. Go grey rock. No text message communication. Send an email saying that they way you are to communicate is through a notebook. This gets handed to him before supervised visits. give him NONE of your attention, or if you have to, make it as emotionless as possible. he's feeding off you……