Ok. Not sure where to start or how to start it.
I have been a parent for 19 years! In that 19 years I always always put my kids first. As the years went on I got people telling me that I need to start putting myself first at times and take care of my own well being (being a single mum).
Well I finally agree to take myself off to counselling (I have a lot of issues to deal with stemming from childhood to adulthood). Then an issue arises with my 19 year old (always been a handful and bad behaviour etc for many years) saying that I'm the reason he is so f$@&ed up in the head etc. He tells me if he dies that he doesn't want me to go to his funeral (I have raised him by myself for 19 years with no help from his dad , his dad wanted nothing to do with him).
I tell I'm that he needs to go to counselling and he said the only way he will go is if I go with him so he can see my face when he tells them everything I done to him (I have done nothing bad but he has lied about me in the past). I talk to friends about this and they say maybe it's best I go because he is my child etc etc. But what agitated me was I said that I'm going to be taking myself to counselling for once in my life , but now I'm being made to feel like I'm a selfish so and so for it. I can't win hey.
I just don't know where to go from here. I know I will not be able to handle both my own and his and mine at the same time. But what do I do. I need to get myself in a good frame of mind. The sessions with him will push me down even further and I'm already at rock bottom emotionally.
4 Replies
Never feel bad for seeking counseling. When it comes to your mental health, be selfish. Thats not even the right word.
Tell your son he can and should seek counseling and youll help and youll go any time after a few visits if the counselor thinks it will help not just continue the shitfight theres no point to that.
Theres nothing selfish about wanting to take care of yourself and wanting to feel better in yourself. It sounds like your son is in a bad place and you're an easy target....you're all he's ever known. Is counselling on your own and with him separately out of the question? I think if you know the truth and make it known to the counselor prior to any false accusations, it might actually be a good thing.. in the way that he will get it all out and a professional can see the extent of his internal turmoil or mental issues. I wish you the best of luck..
Go to counselling on your own. Your son will get nothing out of counselling as his motivation is to punish you for something.
It isn't selfish to get counselling for yourself and in the long term it will help your son in ways.
I hate to sound harsh, but you have given your son everything you are capable of and more. He is an adult, 19, is it not time for him to start taking responsibility for himself.
It's your time now, look after you, you deserve it. Being a parent can be a thankless job and honey believe it or not you have graduated from being completely responsible for his life.
Guide him in the right direction towards getting help for himself, if he wants counselling, let him know he can get a mental health plan from his GP. He is making his problems your problems, it's easier to deal when you can blame someone else for your poor behaviours.
You have given enough, it's ok to choose you, HE IS OFFICIALLY A GROWN UP NOW!!!
Sorry your suffering ??