*possible trigger*
You know you're not truely valued when your own mother would rather support and help your serial rapist brother, who sexually abused you as a child (which she knows about), than you.
One of the many reasons I am completely fucked in the head. ?
At what point do I tell her I'm done? When he abuses my little sister too, or maybe one of his daughters? Or maybe when he admits to being a rapist, oh right, that will never happen because he's a narcissistic POS!
I can't do it anymore. What am I supposed to do?
When is enough?
When is enough?
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
8 Replies
Cut your family out. That's not family and not healthy to be around. Your mum is never going to be able to be a mum to you. Time to accept it and let her go
I was going to say the same but as pointed out what about the dangers to the others littlies of the family?
My heart truly does break for the OP.
Tell her you're done.
You want nothing to do with him. And she will miss out on you and your children's lives if she doesn't make changes.
Possibly move away from them and cut all ties.
Start a fresh new life away from them.
Wish you all the best.
Report him to the police if you haven't already.
Also I'd probably cut ties with my mum if she did that to me personally. If one of my kids sexually abused their siblings I'd want them in jail even though they are my child. That's just not a forgivable thing to do.
I think I've found an acceptable medium in this, and in all honesty it's probably not healthy but it's working. I remember a lot, my poor brain has blocked a lot more but I know, not suspect but actually know she knows and has done so the whole time. The first time they bragged! They were overheard and there was a beating. I know she knew, she sat and cried and then did nothing to stop it happening again. Anyway, first argument was "I didn't know" and I shot that down in a shower of shit, second argument was that she couldn't turn her back on her eldest son. I thought about that and realised she was right, he's a stupid, slovenly, slimy useless piece of shit that leeched everything he could from her, he needed her to leech off. I'm smarter, work hard, financially independent (even from my partner, I rely on nobody for the freedom to do what I want when I want), successful in my career, have found an exceptional man to love and to love all of me - even the broken bits, and we have a boy, a good boy. Third and final argument was that it's "common and it happened to her so I should just get over it", even that wasn't the deal breaker but it was the line in the sand. The day she called to say she needed something from me and she'd get him to drive her around to pick it up I said no, blocked the number and walked away. Now I'm in touch sporadically after 8 years of no contact, to drop by for a coffee and tell her how her grandson is, she hasn't seen him for over 10 years and until he decides to change that she won't. We talk like we're old acquaintances, I've donned my class clown mantle again to lighten the meetings. There's no confidence, no deep and meaningfuls, no responsibility. It is what it is and I've grieved for what I wished it was. So, what to do. Take time. Walk away and don't make it a secret why. Block numbers, fucking move if you have to. Your head is the priority here, your healing, your acceptance so that you can move forward. Support your sister, tell her she can always tell you anything, teach her to protect herself, to spot dangerous circumstances and make sure she's never in them. If you haven't see you GP for a mental health plan and talk to someone about it. It helps, it really helps and I felt like shit afterwards, drained, couldn't go to work just absolutely exhausted but over time it has made a massive difference. If you feel strong enough report it and send that piece of shit to the hell her deserves. There's happiness at the end. That's the goal. There is real happiness and real relationships and real trust and real love. You can and will keep going, just not the same way you have been. Time to make changes chick.
Oh honey. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
You have so much strength and self worth to be able to have gotten to where you are.
Thanks for all the replies. I can't move as we are a single/low income family and are still paying off the mortgage for our house.
I also can't get a full-time job yet because of everything I have been through I don't trust anyone to look after my children.
I plan on telling her that she can either stop supporting him at all or she wont be able to have anything to do with us.
You do it the way you are most comfortable with and you don't have to move if you can't - I didn't, we lived in the same small town. If it suits your feelings a bit better, I'd ditch the ultimatum and go straight to the cut. Save yourself the extra heartache, you already know she's chosen him and you don't need her rubbing it in again. Maybe "after all this time it's pretty obvious that your support for XXXX will always be a priority for you. I'm not ok with that and your support would have been appreciated but I can and will do this on my own. It starts today. Don't call, your numbers will be blocked. Don't email. You and others associated with you will be blocked on FB. If you turn up looking for me the police will be called to remove you. For too long I've been held back from moving on but no more". You've held on for all this time, grieve that she can't be the mum you need, prepare to feel guilt because you will but know in your heart you and your kids deserve much better. I still recommend speaking to your GP. Good luck, you're doing the right thing no matter how shit it feels.