What are the signs for sexual abuse in children? and yes I know there can be many..... I will try keep this long story short: my entire life, for as long as I can remember, my mother has told us countless stories of her horrific childhood, multiple rapes / sexual & physical abuse from those closest to her and the worst of it being that her mother knew it was happening and did nothing to protect her (I remember these stories starting as young as 5yrs old). She would always remind us that men cant be trusted and even though my father has never done anything to us (×2 sisters and a brother), she swears that she doesnt even fully trust him because of her past (he was never allowed to bath us or change our nappies as babies "just incase")
I am with an amazing man now who has been raising Miss 7yrs for the past 4yrs (she has nothing to do with her own biological father) but I am seriously so paranoid about her being with any male alone. If I wake in the night and dp isnt in bed I have a full on panic attack (he has either gone toilet or gotten up to get a drink so completely innocent) this paranoia is not just singular, literally any male that comes in to contact with her makes me try and uncover their ulterior motive for being around her (brother in laws, friends husbands, literally anyone)
How can I get past this paranoia? or am I right in thinking like this? Is this just a side effect of the 25yrs worth of male slandering that I listened to? how will I know if she has been assaulted or groomed by someone close? Is counselling something I should consider to help me? I dont want to be one of those mothers that doesnt listen to their gut and has regrets later on but my gut is telling me to be careful of everyone. Please be kind with your suggestions on how I can work through this but also what common signs I should be really keeping an eye out for x
5 Replies
Your best bet is to have a look at the Bravehearts website.
The best thing you can do is talk to your daughter. Talk to her about nice touch, hugs etc. and yucky touch. That's the touch that makes your tummy feel yucky because you're not sure it should be happening.
Talk to her about her body. Use the proper terms like vagina etc. don't use nick names.
Tell her no one but her is allowed to touch her in those places. If anyone does to say NO really loudly. Practice how she should say it.
I was sexually abused as a child so was very paranoid with my own kids. You're right. Most of the time it's people the kids know and trust that do it.
I think your mother is crazy. There's no way in hell I'd ever talk to my kids about my sexual abuse, ever. A relative bought up sexual abuse by a family member and said that I was lying infront of my kids only for them to start asking questions from " did such aNd such touch you?" and "Why are you lying?"
Somethings should not be discussed with children and THATS one of them.
I am sorry your mother has pushed all her trauma on to you. I hope that you get some counselling because your Mom's trauma has more or less been traumatic to you and now impacts you. X
As for the next generation, Bravehearts is a great resource.
Goodluck x
2nd commenter here.
Agree. I've never told my kids and never will!
And yes Bravehearts is great ??
Just so you know, I have two sons and you are not alone. I have cried when they went to close family members houses, only very few people I trust to keep them over night and I still question my boy when they come home. They are 8&5. I've been told this is normal for parents who've been molested as children. My husband has never once showed any signs and I still ask questions if my boys have been with him, not obvious questions but enough to make sure nothing has happened. You are normal and so are your feelings