I have no friends. I have no one else to vent to anymore. Family have their own issues and have made it clear that they don't need my petty shit. An associate that I thought I could confide in I now can't. I'm one big mess up in my head. I'm a single mum. I'm worn out majorly. I have had enough of everything. The anger inside me is just building up and building up because I have no one I can trust to talk to anymore. I am suicidal but don't have the guts to go through with it. I'm miserable but feel like I'm trapped here to please everyone else because I will be selfish if I kill myself. I want out. Counsellors in the past have only been a band aid fix for me. There is only so many times you can hear the same advice from lifeline. Everyone makes sure they tell me what I do wrong in life but yet no one is truly there to help me. They are just all glad to not have to deal with what I do. Kids fathers aren't in the picture. They walked. If I hadve done that I'd get ridiculed by society. But fathers do it they get sympathy etc. If I go and ask for any type of help in the state I am in its more then likely my younger two kids will get taken off me. I do everything by myself for my kids. Everything. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. I have nothing in a form of relaxing me at all. I have been on anti depressants over the years but all they done was make me put on a lot of weight that I cant seem to shift now. And also they never really worked for me anyway. I'm Centrelink scum to a couple of close family members. They constantly say it indirectly. I'm well aware that I'm the only family member on Centrelink. I feel like cancelling it all and going to live on the streets just to shut them up. But if I do that I'll get the kids taken off me. My life revolves around my kids. Everything I do is for them. But that won't count right. I have issues on and off with the ex. Everything these past few months have just built up and I can't deal with anything anymore. If I happen to have a happy moment for a few seconds something happens to make sure I get dragged back down into the misery I seem to belong in. There is truly no help out there for me. I'm a number in the system of robots that only truly care about their pay cheque. I've had a majorly fucked up childhood. And most of my adulthood so far hasn't been much better. I don't know what I'm asking here. Guess I just need to vent to people that don't know me. At least you will only have to deal with me once and then I'm out of your life. I'm miserable. Thankyou for reading if you got this far.
12 Replies
Have you tried a psychiatrist or psychologist?
I agree counselling will only take you so far. I understand the frustration with weight gain, but I'd rather be fat and be happy (ps I am fat and I'm now happy).
I forgot to add that no anti depressants have helped me over the years. I gave up with taking them.
Was that prescribed by a GP or a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist has a lot bigger arsenal of medications they can try.
I really hope you find some help
By a GP. I have been on a few over a few years. I don't have any money to see a psychiatrist.
my sons psychiatrist bulk bills
Mental health is very complex, it can take years to find the right treatment for most. As I said below, get down to your local hospital. Put yourself first for once, you deserve it.
You need to get in the system and then everything is free. My mum has psychiatric issues and in the public system she has a designated community nurse who comes to see her, takes her to appointments, free psychiatrist visits every few months and they kept working until they found what treatment works for her. You really need to get in the system, there is help available. You may have to do something drastic, like present at the hospital suicidal and the fact you have kids to care for will probably put you to the front of the line. You will have to spend time in the mental health unit but once you come out, there will be a host of support services for you. Once you get your mental health sorted, your life will change, your outlook will change and you may even get the courage to get a part time job and build your self worth. Jobs are great for mental health, they provide time with adults, you feel productive and it makes your brain work. Obviously in your current state, that is not doable, but once you get on top of your mental health, you will be a different person. Ignore the haters, society still has no understanding of mental health, get down to your local hospital and see what comes of it, leave the kids,with a family member. I wish you the best.
I could have written this myself. I understand your desperation for someone to just get it - to be there, to care, to show some kind of recognition that I am a person worthy and deserving to be happy in this shitty world.. i had a shitty childhood, teenlife and adulthood but 3 kids that are the only link and reason i am still here... the thought of leaving, the thought of killing myself.. they get more and more intense and frequent for me.. i used to look at my kids and be able to snap back into life but its getting harder and harder... been seeing drs and on different medications since I was 16 and it doesnt help... not long term... I want to contact you but dont really want my post to be public. Id love to be able to support you - even to say you're not alone and that whether we ever meet or not - I'll be your friend! You sound just like me. Hang in there.. one minute at a time.. days are too long. I get it. ?☺ hugs to u sweet xx
Aww hunni...if i could i would give you a massive hug...i am also feeling so run down ive just had my fiancė leave me so im now a single mum with an ex playing head games..i. have servre deppression and anxiety and no time to my self..but i no how hard it is when you get into the wirl wind of deppression and when you hit rock bottom its so hard to see the light but you just need to put your head up and say Fuck the haters ...
Big hugs huni im sure you an amazing mumma
Go to a bulk billing gp. They will do a mental health plan and you will get FREE counselling or psychologist visits.
Councilling did nothing to help me either. You need to see a psychologist and you can see them for free if you go on a mental health plan and get a referral from a doctor. I understand you're in a shitty place but I just want you to know that you're definitely not alone.
I love this quote & it's got me through some shit times... "everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end"
Xxx
Where are you located? I'm 25, been through hell, survived, and genuinely care about everyone -usually a negative thing because most people take it for granted but in this case, if you need a friend who won't judge and can give you a few tools to help you pick yourself up lets get coffee