This is more of a statement to the fellow mums who comment and answer posts.
The amount of comments i have read on various posts judging the OP's sitution or what they have written is shocking.
This not ok!!
When a mum posts a question they do so looking for support and advice. The last thing they want to read is other mums judging them, accusing them and even abusing them on their thoughts or decisions.
We wonder how kids these days become trolls online harrassing and abusing others, well it comes from you and the example you set. If a 15 yr old sees a 34 yr old judging someone harshly online they are going to think it's ok.
Stop judging!
Stop assuming!
Support!
Be there!
Be positive.
Treat people how you want to be treated OR how you want your children to treat others.
Most of these posts are posted anonymously because of this reason!!!
Update 3/11
The point of this was to ask you to think before you comment, clearly none of my words in this post have gone through to anyone from the comments below.
I was not referring to any post inparticular, every post, every comment and every person was in reference to this post. So many trolls and they are all grown adults.
34 Replies
Any particular post?
Everyday I read comments on different posts that relate to my post above.
I've written a post on here recently and someone did just this.
I deleted the post.
It's upsetting.
There are people who write these posts. People who are reaching out.
It seems to be forgotten sometimes.
I understand why it's upsetting, but personally unless I write a post about rainbows and butterflies, 99% of responders are going to attack like rabid dogs. I don't let those replies bother me because regardless of the situation, there's only so much you can explain in a post and people will only read what they want to read, assume and make this up that aren't even there. This is just a fact.
I think that's the point.
It shouldn't be like that. It's not just an IM issue it's a society issue. People are cunts! And yes I used that word on purpose just for the ironic value.
What about the women who knowingly sleep with a married man and when we give them the reality of the situation, they are snarky and rude and take no personal responsibility. Are we supposed to scroll on and let them continue believing what they are doing is okay because they don't want him to leave the wife? some people need a wake up call because sometimes we are advocating for the innocent wives or innocent children stuck in a toxic environment. The kids need a voice and we give them that and if it makes one mum parent better for their children, it is worth it. Being nasty is not necessary but sometimes saying it how it is is very....
Exactly
It would be all good and well if this was the case. There is no wife and the reality of the situation is that none of you savages actually answered the question because you were too busy filling in the gaps with your own made up bullshit.
you must have read a different post than we all read!
*throws arms up in the air in despair*
I have no idea what post any of you are talking about..........
*It would be all good and well if this was the case. There is no wife and the reality of the situation is that none of you savages actually answered the question because you were too busy filling in the gaps with your own made up bullshit.*
That's exactly what it is. People put their own spin on the story (no matter what the story is) and comment according to their thoughts, opinions and feelings without even considering the OP
Thank Christ there's someone who exists that can acknowledge this, while not condoning or attacking! Who sent you angel lady??
I agree that there are bad people that post and don't want to admit they are in the wrong. BUT this still does not give you the right to write a nasty comment to them.
There is a way to say hey you are doing the wrong thing in a nicer less judgemental way.
Being nasty is not necessary. Saying how it is sure. Tell that woman that what she is doing is disrespectful and that she should own up to it but don't go calling her names and judging her harshly.
I would recommend to this mum that she delete her post before it gets put up on Facebook. If she thinks these responses are bad then they will be ten times worse there.
I'm fine with it. Consider it further confirmation before it even happens that people won't read the actual question, but will focus more on jumping on the lying cheating and whoring aspect of it all.
So you wrote a post clearly stating youre seeing a guy that has a partner and kids and now claim we're all assuming meanies while you refuse to clear it , just seem to revel in feeling superior and name calling people who answer your post, even looking forward to finding more hate.. whats the point?
Here's the thing, to you, the issue is all about helping your depressed friend with a mean wife, who you just happen to be sleeping with, but don't really want. To us, we are telling you that he is a manipulative man, the situation is toxic and you should remove yourself. Just because your focus is to help him, we can't ignore the glaring truth and the reality of the situation. You are obviously a caring woman and should use that nurturing for someone who deserves it. We don't want you sucked into this, we aren't judging you, but it is hard when you are so nasty and ignorant to what we are saying.
Why on earth would I not be defensive when I'm being attacked? If the responses weren't so laced with venom and judgement of course I would gladly take the responses on board. The question I asked was, is there any way we can be friends? Nothing about wanting to be told I was doing the right thing, nothing about how disgusting I was. If the responses had answered my actual question, they would have been something like, no you can't be friends because he is a manipulative man, the situation is toxic and you should remove yourself. That is not remotely what came of itl. Hence I make the most of the ridiculousness that it did become.
No theyre not attacks. Not venomous. Nothing ridiculous
Not once was I asked any actual questions to "clear it", nor have I refused. The initial question was completely ignored by all bar 2 people, so why would I possibly waste my time writing to the blind and talking to the deaf?
So bitter
No just stating facts.
The responses were pretty tame I thought and there was no name calling. You want us to ignore the elephant in the room, we can't! His character, his actions, he's not your friend, we are telling you to remove yourself.
Do you not have any empathy for the partner at all? It is like she doesn't exist and all you care about is helping him and maintaining a friendship. Have you ever been With a man, thinking you have found your happy ever after, only to find out he is sleeping with another woman? It is life changing, soul destroying, earth shattering stuff. It is not something to skip over, it is horrendous and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It changes who you are, you can never trust again it leaves a scar on the inside that never fully heals. I don't judge you, but please don't disregard or skip over the significant impact this could potentially have on a fellow human being. I wish you peace and hope you find a way out of this tragic situation. All the best.
Stating facts? While quoting typos and calling people deaf or whatever. While... this is the good bit... carrying on about OTHER people's rudeness in responses. Im done. It would be funny but there are children involved in his house. His family. Their family. That is not separated yet.
So to clarify bec hempel what you mean is 'stop judging, stop assuming, unless its me and i read and (mis)understand half a post then i will be first in line to call you a bitch.'
Glad we cleared that up. Thanks for the sermon!
Oh didn't you know? The rules don't apply to her lol
There are no rules, just simple advice.
I try my hardest not to judge in a negative way, some times are harder than others but that shouldn't stop us from trying.
The comment you posted "Oh didn't you know? The rules don't apply to her" is exactly the type of post I was referring to.
You don't know me or my story so why judge like you do?
No idea what you mean. My point was to be nicer to each other.
Earlier this year I learnt that it's hard not to judge but it's HOW we judge that is important.
We're all referring to the controversial post where a woman was seeing a married man. Not one person name called except YOU, just YOU. You called us judgemental bitches and we were just trying to give the IM the reality of the situation. Why don't you practice what you preach? I agree with your post, hopefully we can do ALL do better in the future.
Yes in that previous post when you came along and called me and others bitches. We certainly didnt deserve it and if you thought we did based on your filters and interpretation YOU should have been respectful in your reply or scrolled on. Now here you are preaching to us about how to be nice....
You can refer to what you want but this.was my post that did not refer to any particular one.
There are so many posts that you can go through on here and when they are shared on facebook where there is attacking against the OP.
I don't understand why so many people are bent out of shape with this other post of the married man. It happens EVERYDAY where men and women are caught out cheating. Just because this person wrote in for advice does not give everyone the right to attack her. Give your opinion then let it go.
Yes! All the judgmental arrogant comments!
If you do disagree with the post there are always options available: either keep scrolling or phrase your answer so you're not verbally attacking the OP. It's not hard to be a little nicer to a stranger or treat them how you would like to be treated. And if you disagree with doing that ( simple kindness) then maybe you need to take a look at yourself.
*very apt for Bec