Hi everyone
I wrote in a little while ago about my younger sister who had a friend and their friendship was quite toxic, not going to school and being suicidal.
I wish I could say things have improved, but it's gotten about a hundred percent worse, I have been in constant contact with their school and the teachers have been amazing and trying their hardest to help us with three weeks until graduation they've referred her to specialists to get diagnosed and a few different councillors and programs. My sisters most recent episode was a couple of days ago after we intervened because a friend of ours had my little sisters phone and read messages between her and "Sarah" now Sarah was sitting in my older sisters house with my little sister and Sarah was messaging her saying "cut the effing attitude out c word or I'll end you" and being very controlling, swearing and talking about sex in front of my 5 year old niece while they were looking after her (my little sister is 17) we then discovered she had an illegal substance in her bag and this led us to an intervention. It did not go well.. She sat there staring outside like a phycho and my little sister just kept relentlessly defending her, I took her home and we have all agreed that she is not allowed in our houses anymore but on the way home we had a lengthy conversation and I thought we had a bit of a break through.
Now I'm going to share something I'm not proud of, today my sister logged in on my phone and I invaded her privacy. What I found really upset me because we're all very close and we look after each other, Sarah has been saying that I don't care about my sister, telling her not to tell me things, sending pictures of herself high, about 20 photos relating to marijuana, yelling at my sister because she's not replying quick enough, snide remarks calling her stupid, saying my job is pathetic, she's forcing her to end friendships, telling her to ask for money to buy marijuana, every conversation over these five days involved my little sister trying to defend herself because this girl keeps saying that she doesn't care about her and getting angrier and angrier, they were talking about chatting to 26 year old men, saying my sister doesn't love my niece, plotting ways to get us to allow her to stay here the list is endless honestly I wish I was making this stuff up because I just don't want this to be reality.
I am so hurt because my sister is influential by nature and loyal, for the past few days she's been saying she doesn't open up to us because she doesn't think we care, our mother and father are absent so we basically only have the teachers to turn to and no real adult support apart from them. My sister has 3 homes and she's welcome in every one of them, we've given her the tools to survive out of school and she has an army of teachers helping her until the end of the year but this fifteen year old has basically walked in and jeopardised 12 years of schooling, every time she threatens suicide or gets suspended my sister wants to come home. We tried taking on this girl as if she was our sister she has stayed over at my house every weekend since August i have never ever met her parents because I drive them to and from home, I've stayed up late talking to them as if I was a teenage girl just to try and have an open line of communication, messaged her when she needs to talk, bought her clothes because she was insecure about not looking feminine enough, spoken about boys and what cautions to take, hair advice and pretty much anything a girl would talk to another girl about, even just after saying these terrible things about us she told my sister she strictly needs talk to an adult but specifically asked for me and my partner. But the thing is, I'm in my early twenties and I'm really not equiped to deal with this, my sister has become a shell of a person and our relationship has shattered into pieces. Please any advice will be heard we just really need help x
2 Replies
I remember your original post & it made me so sad for you. What your doing for your sister is so selfless & amazing, I know she's your family but I can guarantee their isn't many brothers/sisters who would do what you have for their sibling. I can't imagine how hard this has been on all of you. I don't know if this is the right advice and please don't think I'm saying too give up on your sister - but maybe it's at a point now all you can do is continue too be their & try help her the best you are but it's really up too her now. Unless you moved her away, took her phone & stopped her from using the internet until she sees for herself that this girl isn't a friend she'll continue too associate with her. Is their any other girls close in age you could get too befriend her? Or maybe a part time job where she will gain some independence & confidence, & find friendships with coworkers? As for the other piece of work maybe now drugs are involved could the police now be contacted? Maybe that will in someway lead too a source of help for her & get her dealt with without it being a worry for you too try? I really hope your sister realises her worth & breaks away from this unhappy, jealous & horrible bully of a person. She's so young & doesn't deserve too be dragged down by someone else's insecurities
Get your husband to go around to this girls house and speak to her and the mother and give them a huge scare. Tell him to tell them to F off, that you are going to report all the drug stuff/abuse to the cops and child services if they ever come near your sister again. She will go in a group home or Gaol! Tell him to tell them that he will destroy them, that she better stay away and that this is a real threat and there will be real consequences. Time to get aggressive and tough.