I am at my wits end. I love my kids but their behaviour is more than I can handle. I have tried every discipline technique, reward system etc. but my kids just don't care about consequences. No matter what I do they constantly defy me, think its ok to call me a bitch, tell me they hate me, and talk back to me. You know those pictures that pop up on fb where a mum took a selfie and the house is absolutely trashed, the kind where so many are quick to go on about how disgusting they are for not cleaning......my house looks like those kinds of places despite constantly cleaning because my kids just destroy everthing. They are 4&6 and I still can't even go to the toilet, or make dinner without a new mess being made, something being broken or the oldest fighting his sister. He is a bully who seems to love hurting people physically and emotionally no matter how much i teach them about kindness and compassion, and even had people say he is a sociopath. I can't take it anymore I have no family support I even begged child services to help with parenting courses, or redirecting us to somebpdy that can help improve their behaviour or help me deal with it better to be told that my kids aren't in danger therefore not a priority. Every other day I can't help but think of giving them up and just leaving for a while, going back to work and coming back when they pass this whole destroy everything and everyone phase. I know that I don't want them gone forever, I still love them but I am scared that if I do try to give them up for a while it will mean giving them up forever. I know how selfish that sounds, dumping my kids on someone else til they get better, and I feel so much guilt for even considering it, but I dont know what else I can do.
Seriously considering leaving my kids
Seriously considering leaving my kids
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Self Care, Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour, Kids
6 Replies
Yep go to work, have time away and les time at home for them.
They are old enough to be able to tidy and do some jobs. Try rewarding them. Its hard but try to Only see and praise and reward positive behaviour. And be consistent but calm with negative behaviours.
Dont give up yet. Try after school care and babysitter to get time out as much as you can afford until you find a plan or a job.
I will be roasted for this but I honestly don't care... 4/6 should know actions and consequences. 3 warnings on the 2nd remove something they want/have on the 3rd a smack and in their naughty spot. Remove everything from their rooms toys electronic etc, no rewards never reward for normal behavior as in how they are supposed to act why should children get a reward for doing what their told? Maybe after a week or 2 of being super good sure something nice but not for doing something normally required of them:..
If they want to treat you like they are adults by calling you a bitch then you show them the meaning of the word no dinner, snacks, deserts... regain the respect in your house and show them who is boss as at the moment they run the show... as hard as it will be you can't feel guilty your kids are I a safe environment so mumma show them who's boss. I will take time but you can do it xxxx
Firstly you don't need a government department to organise parenting courses.
You can do that yourself. PPP etc all have very good research and feedback.
If you think there is something 'wrong' go see a GP for a referral to child psychologist and peadiatrician. If he has a diagnosis he will qualify for NDIS funding.
How do they behave at school and kindy?
Get tough at home. When my son went through a phase of breaking things if I went to the toilet then I started locking him in the loo with me.
But a child psychologist can help you with all of this!
Firstly hugs and love to you, you sound like you are really struggling. Honestly, their behaviour (calling you a bitch, destroying everything) is not a phase, it is extreme. They are not going to magically wake up and become decent human beings, they are only going to get WORST. The good news is they are only 4 and 6, you can absolutely change this, make it better and live a happy life with your kids, but it is going to take hard work. There are too many unknown variables in this post to tell you what is required. We don't know if their behaviour is the result of being exposed to dv, if your oldest requires a diagnosis, if you are in a vicious cycle of negativity due to their behaviour and need to change your parenting strategies. Right now, something is broken and you need to fix it. It's no ones fault, we all have negative situations in life, we just have to take steps to fix it. Talk to your gp about your son, get the ball rolling and find out if he requires intervention. If he does, they will link you with services, also, there are many parenting programs available in the mean time like tripe p. Start documenting everything to help the paediatrician and you may see a pattern of triggers for yourself also. The more understanding of his behaviour you have, the more assistance it will provide the paediatrician in making a diagnosis, if required. Once you start taking steps to remedy the situation, you will feel so much better. You've got this.
I can babysit? I'd be very happy to. :)
Good to have a break and just breath without them. I know I'm just a random to you lol but I'd love to help. Please pm if you live in Brisbane.
I'm more than happy to baby sit for a day, if you're in Sydney? You can reply to this and I'll give you my number. I worked in childcare for 5 years, and have plenty of experience teaching children about respect, helping their parents, being good role models to their siblings etc..