Hi moms,
My daughter is 4 years old and i was wondering where to start improving her social skills. I want her to know that being nice to everyone and being kind to animals are good deeds. She should obey elders and dont cheat or lie. Its always good deeds you get rewarded for and bad deeds one get punished for. I try to relate her falling off the swing as a punishment from god cuz she hit mummy and different similar things. But as of now, it is only talking and relating to happenings we come across in daily life. I want to know if any parents have worked on their kids' manners and behaviour training etc, what learning material (books/ videos/ stories etc) they found helpful?
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3 Replies
I don't agree with you using an accident as a way to show a punishment from God for doing something wrong. Accidents like falling off a swing are just that, accidents, you can't stop them from happening, so what if she gets older and does everything perfect yet falls over or loses something or gets hit with a ball or some other accident and she blames herself for never being good enough for God? It sounds unfair to use something beyond our control as a way to punish someone.
With my kids I have always used consequences. If they do good they get to do something they want to do, if they do bad they lose a privilege. I have taught them from the moment they could talk/understand to use manners and that they were very important. I teach them to respect others but also to know that they can question something that doesn't feel right. I teach them morals and right from wrong.
It is all mostly talk because many things have not come up personally, as they got older I could add hypothetical scenarios. If there's an opportunity to show them real world stuff we take it, for example my son stole something so we made him return it and apologise and took him to the police station to have a chat. The adults have to lead by example too.
Really when she gets hurt you tell her she mustve deserved it? That sounds like a terrible way to damage self esteem and self worth. And possibly also the message that if someone does wrong they deserve to be punished or hurt (by her). I would teach her about kindness, compassion, and how to help and feel empathy for people in need, or people hurt in an accident - you as her role model could teach her bucketloads with your actions alone.
Kelly here! Thanks for your question... I will be posting it tomorrow on the facebook group.
I did however have to comment though, on the 'punishment from god' part - as I agree with the other comments here it could be very dangerous, and also untrue. I don't believe in karma - but I do believe in God - and He really doesn't work this way :-) It could put a lot of fear in her and may be damaging too... so just be caring with comments like them :-)
As for helpful resources - I think that displaying it yourself and being really obvious about it helps a lot! Maybe when she receives something, speak out aloud to her about that wonderful fuzzy feeling she has inside - and how wonderful it would be to be able to give that nice feeling to others by doing something for them... Maybe sit down with her and write a nice card to someone you appreciate - give her a positive example to follow.
Or with manners - when they do use them - let them know how nice it made you feel when she showed her appreciation or how polite and kind she sounded when using them...
I think a lot about making sure it is coming from within with behaviours and manners. Yes, it takes a lot of work for them to 'get it' - but once they have, it's there for life!
Well done super mum for caring so much about how your daughter cares for others... sounds like you're on the right track! xKelly
P.S - if you'd like me to change the question before I repost it tomorrow, just let me know x