At the moment I'm torn between staying in a small town where I've raised my children on my own for the past 7 years and moving an hour and a half away to a new town. I have recently got engaged and my fiancé is not keen on staying in a small town. I would really like a new start elsewhere but I have so much more than me to think of. Three of my children are ok with moving but my son would like to stay with his father in the small town and go to the local school with all his friends. I would never have contemplated leaving my son with his father but he seems happy to stay and I don't know what to do. He's 12 and I don't know if I'd cope without him. Need advice please. Thanks
13 Replies
Personally I wouldn't be ok with moving away from my 12 year old son, especially if that meant I wouldn't be seeing him fortnightly at the least.
I think at some point as a child it would occur to me that my mu would rather be with her new man, than me. Moving would also mean siblings won't be having regular contact.
I wouldnt because i would hate to not be in the same place as the kids clubs, school, friends etc.
If the kids were younger and going with you and never see their dad i would say take the chance. But older kids and dad in town, no i wouldn't.
The contact and help from dad will go down its a lot harder when theres a big drive each way. So it will be the same for you if one child stays.
I just wouldnt choose to live that far from my children.
Actually i pushed to get my kids dropkick dad to move closer to us, for visits but also for them and me, if he ever sorts himself out enough to want to take them i dont want them pulled between two different places and maybe choosing the place where i dont live (which in your case will be their hometown so theyll always be drawn there).
You said you raised them on your own for 7 years, but you are leaving your son with his dad? I don't understand? How much contact do they currently have with their father? Depends on kids relationship/closeness with father and if he is capable of taking care of your son. If they are all super close, I wouldn't move.
The kids see their father every second weekend and a night during the week. I don't want to separate the kids and leave one with his father. We've talked it over and over but I can't shake the feeling that I would be 'leaving' him. My kids have always come first and this is the first time I've even contemplated not having one of them live with me. I think if I don't leave the small town I might be throwing away a future for myself with my new husband and if I do leave I'll be destroying my relationship with my son. I feel so selfish even thinking about it ?
I wouldn't be able to shake it either. Just because it's not the right time to go now, it doesn't mean you can't have opportunities when your kids are older.
I think kids always come before new husbands and boyfriends.
I think this is one of the times you miss the opportunity and prioritise your family. It doesn't suit that so its not really an amazing opportunity.
Also consider its not just your relationship with your son. Yiu may not be interested in the dads relationship with his kids, but you need to see the value of your kids relationship with their dad.
I've tried to discuss it with my fiancé and he's told me to stay where I am and he is cancelling the wedding. I guess my mind is now made up.
I really hope your mind is made! What a dick move. I guess this explains why you felt so torn to bend yourself to stay with him, seems its his way or the highway.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet to me.
Sounds like a dick, to me! Lucky escape for you. I don't know why he'd expect someone with kids to be able to move.
I'm sure that if he loves you he won't cancel the wedding. Perhaps it was a knee jerk decision. Seems everyone is backing you but we haven't heard his side. Why does he want to move? Is he from the small country town too? If you were to leave one child with their father how often would you still see them? 1.5 hrs away doesn't sound that far to me. Does your fiancé have kids? If so where are they?
I'm sorry but he can't expect her to leave one of her kids behind. A mother will always put er children first and she owes that to her children. 1.5hrs may not sound too far but realistically it is. A 12 yr old doesn't have the freedom to be able to travel that distance as he pleases and mum will be tied up so won't be able to whenever either. It is a bad idea especially if that is his reaction. I'm with you, he may not actually cancel the wedding but if he doesn't, she should! A knee jerk reaction? No. Him using her emotions to manipulate to get what he wants? Absolutely! And that is disgusting behaviour!!
A knee jerk reaction? Dont marry someone that cancels the wedding when hes pissed off. Dont give them any more of your time and Definitely dont let it make you feel bad for him and try harder to give more. Hes talking about you leaving your kids behind!!