I need an outsiders opinion!
My best friend for the past 7 years has a habit of taking an emotional dump on me and then being uncontactable for days on end. (We now live interstate from each other)
I have no issue with her needing someone to talk to, I even have no issue with her needing space or a break but it's the "omg I can't cope, I need you, I'm in a crisis, etc" so I respond with care and love and support but I hear nothing, I'll send some sort of follow up a few hours later and again nothing, then I'll leave it a couple of days and follow up again just to be ignored.
Surely as a friend she could at least say "I'm taking a break right now, I'll contact you in a few days" but no, it's literally "the sky is falling down" and then nothing...
It's really taking a toll on my own emotional and mental health, I'm constantly worried and stressed about it, but I keep being there for her when she wants to "dump" even though I'm starting to feel a little used?
And I really feel she doesn't offer me any where need the same level of support, she's always too busy but has plenty of time to be posting all over Facebook and Instagram and when I take a break from social media I let her know so I don't just disappear.
I feel guilty for feeling this way and like I'm being a shitty friend but I'm not sure I can keep putting myself in this position when I have my own stuff to sort out without any support.
2 Replies
No you are not being a shitty friend. I've been in the exact same position and it's awful! The cycle would go, phone call/text out of the blue where they emotionally dumped on me, and then any attempt I made to contact would just be ignored, until the cycle would begin again.
It was exhausting. This person would never ask how I was doing or contact me when they were in a 'good place' I was just there unpaid counsellor!
My advice, you could tell your friend how you are feeling. But be prepared they might try and blame you (for being strong, or having a perfect life, or some such nonsense) or they may make ridiculous excuses. The other option is just to let it go, don't respond to text messages etc. don't get back to her straight away. Let her wait!
Arh I had an old friend that did this. I always stuck by her and eventually realised it was a bit of a pattern so understood when she 'vanished' for a bit. Unfortunately when I went through depression and depended on her, she realised it was all to much for her and ended the friendship. Of course made me feel like it was in my head, I was to needy, and insecure. Anywho lesson learnt. If it is affecting you then take a bit of a step back or better yet when she's back on the radar have a chat with her how you feel. Go from there which what direction you think you should head in. Good luck.