My partners daughters dislike me. 2 of his daughters (17 & 28) dislike me. I got the 17 year old a job with me. She was sacked after 3 months when other staff members made complaints of her bullying me. She makes snide comments to me all of the time. I welcome her into my home and have only ever been nice to her. She has slept with 4 of my sons (who is the same age) best mates. Her father turns a blind eye to her behaviour and says he will not turn his back on her. The older one (my partners step daughter) gets info on our lives from the 17 year old and then calls my ex to fill him in. I then get abused by my ex. My partner rarely/if at all says anything to either of them. I have become so upset over this and even though I now rarely see them it makes me feel so bad because I have never done anything to them. What makes it even worse for me is the fact that my ex appears to be doing nothing about it. I love my partner but I can't take much more of this. Please help. What do I say to him? What do I say to that girls?
6 Replies
You don't say anything to the girls it will just escalate. Anything that comes from you will have no meaning at all, it will just prove what they feel.
The only way for this to be fixed is for your partner to step up, and sort this out. Cut all contact with the girls. Make your partner aware you will have nothing to do with them unless he stands up. Explain that HE has put you in this position because he doesn't stand up to them.
Beyond that, that's all you can do. PS it doesn't sound like he treats you like a partner. Basically he is saying he is terrified to rock the boat with his daughters and you are not the priority.
My partner won't do anything. He sees the way they upset me but continuously tells me he's not turning his back on them. I try to explain I don't want him to turn his back but rather get them to somehow see their behaviour is unacceptable. He asks me how to do this but I have no idea. I have 2 teenage children who show him nothing but respect and if they treated him the way his girls treat me I definitely would not tolerate it.
He doesn't need to turn his back on them, but he does need to tell them to pull there heads in and stop it. That you are there to stay and he is disappointed in there behaviour!
Sounds like the type of dad who never parented!!!
If he is asking how to do it, then he is obviously open to suggestions so the situation isn't a complete right off. Saying you have no idea is no help lol tell him what you would do if your kids treated someone that way. He needs to have a d and m with each of them separately, divide and conquer! They are his own flesh and blood, surely he knows how to relate to them. Even if he says something along the lines of, your mother will always be the first love of my life etc even if he hates her guts lol
The girls are old enough now to know right from wrong and they're making a choice.
You can say it hurts your feelings that they're doing that - and that's it. Anything else you add is going to make it worse.
You haven't said how long you've been in their lives. I'm assuming a long time meaning they should already know they're hurting your feelings and are doing it on purpose.
Just ignore it. I know it's hard and your partner doesn't want to choose sides which is fair enough. They're his daughters. He loves them.
Just step back and let the bitchiness work itself out. They will get bored. As long as they don't get a reaction.
Is the relationship worth your mental health?
The abuse may not be coming from your partner, but his apathy is enabling them.