Hi peeps, after some advice on our son's friend.
Our son has known this child now for most of primary school, they now both go to different high schools.
My husband and I have always had a funny feeling about this boy and have struggled to like him (as terrible as that sounds). We just can't quite put our finger on exactly why, he can be obnoxious at times (which most kids can be of course) but we just seem to get bad vibes about him.
In primary school, our son was basically this boys only friend, he has now gone to another high school and has struggled to make friends. When they were together in primary school, our son's other friends drifted away from him due to this child's behaviour. There was a lot of fighting amongst the boys and this has now all stopped now they are at different schools. We have had other parents speak to us about this and feel the same was as we do. We find him to be quite obnoxious at times and would prefer for our son to not have anything to do with this boy. Problem is, with technology it's hard to keep them separated and our son just wants to hang onto this friendship.
I suppose we don't know how to go about dealing with this, what to say to our child who really seems to like this boy. We would appreciate any advice on how to deal with this tricky situation. I've spoken to my Mum about this and she had never had any issues with any of our friends growing up. Both Mum and Dad never made comments about any of my friends growing up so don't know how to go about this.
Thanks in advance
5 Replies
Ok, this is your sons friendship. As long as he isn't getting your son into trouble and leading your son to do things he wouldn't normally do then let it run its course. Separating them will just make your son defend and cling to the friendship harder. If your son wants to see him in real life that's fine, just have the visits at your place so you can keep an ear out and possibly spread the visits out, eg this weekend isn't good but suggest a date further in the future.
Your son is going to meet a wide variety of teens in high school, the once he introduces you to you will like, the ones he thinks you won't like he will keep a secret! So value that you know about this one and that they don't have access to each other on a daily basis.
Try to step back and realise this is your son not you. He will make friends and have friendships his own way. Skills he really needs to work out himself.
My mum would always judge my friends, the ones who had approval and the ones who didnt, and interfere and comment. It just made me not respect her opinion.and actually made me feel pretty shit about myself.
Your son is not you and might see something of value in this boy, or handle friendships differently to how you would, but by high school it needs to be up to him. He wont change his feelings about a friendship because his mum told him to.
My mum stopped me from being friends with a girl in grade 9. I was pissed but in hindsight it was a good plan she was pretty messed up.
In saying that you might want to give your son the benefit that you know you raised him right and let him be friends with who he wants as long as it's not causing any problems. Perhaps your son knows this other boy has no other friends and is being kind. You should be proud of him
My son has always struggled to make friends. He is pretty obnoxious at times but I think it's an ODD thing, a social awkwardness thing, a teenage boy thing and a dealing with adults (us) thing (as the first of my friends and family to have a child he grew up with a lot of adults and very few kids) as he is actually really smart, and OMG funny as fuck! Unless you know this kids' story and that he is actually going to be bad news, give the boy a chance and let them be. This could be his best friend for the rest of his life.
I was that kid in high school. Although, I didn't have trouble making friends. My best friends parents took an instant dislike to me and tried on many occasions to break up the friendship, even resorting to moving their daughter to a different school for year 11 and 12. It didn't work, we're both now in our early 30's and still best mates. I don't know why they didn't like me, even they don't quite know, they just had a "feeling" which turned out to be wrong. In our mid 20's my best mates abusive ex tried to kill her. As I had witnessed him abuse her in the past and intervened I ended up as a witness in the court case. All her other friends who had witnessed similar refused to get involved because they were threatened by his family as was I if we testified, the friendships dwindled soon after. I still testified and took time off work so I could be with her everyday, all day throughout the trial. After everything had wrapped up her parents invited me over one day to apologise for the way they had treated me in the years before and to apologise. The one friend who they didn't want their daughter to associate with and thought was bad news ended up being the only one to stand by her when the shit hit the fan and she needed her friends the most. I have been considered weird my entire life, my parents are what I guess would be considered hippies, I had a different up bringing to most and I was always taught to march to the beat of my own drum which I have. A lot of people were wary of me and my family because we were different and didn't fit the mold of what is considered "normal". Think about that before you judge this kid, he might be the one friend who stands by your son when he needs him the most and everyone else turns their back.