Hi ladies, I have mediation coming up soon for the first time for our young child and I'm having trouble deciding what to do when it comes to Christmas and Childs birthdays etc... I'm not sure if alternating every second one with my ex will be better, or sharing the day and having half a day each on the day??
we live 1.5hrs away from each other and I do have other kids so I'm worried if I do the half days then most of the our day will be wasted driving around and not being able to enjoy the day or being able to make any plans etc. on the other hand I would hate to miss out on being with our child on the actual day... My ex and I do not get along due to past DV so the option of doing things together is not appropriate.
Is anyone else in a similar situation, and what do you do? does it work??
Thanks
Mediation help!
Mediation help!
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Baby & Toddler
5 Replies
Honestly I'd alternate the Christmas days. You can do an extra Xmas the year yiu don't have your child. It's a bloody pain for the child and everyone splitting the day and we are relatively nearby compared to you.
We alternate Christmas, they wake up with one parent and go to the other parent's at 2 but that may be difficult for you. With birthdays their mother thinks she has all given rights to them for their birthday no matter where they're supposed to be. We will see about that though
My relationship ended 3 years ago. I have the children 6 out of 7 days. He has them one 24 hour period a week. He gets the Saturday afternoon to Sunday morning. I don't get them Mother's Day morning but he gets them Father's Day. I get Good Friday he gets them every Easter Sunday. He doesn't do the traditional family breakfast that I grew up with. Or that I have brought my kids up with. If the kids birthdays fall during my time I get them. I get to do the fun stuff. I however do insist that I get them Christmas morning, no matter what day Christmas falls on. This is my families time. We have our traditional Christmas breakfast, the opening of the present and then some time with our whole family. I then drop them off with a whole bunch of Christmasy type food for them to have Christmas lunch and dinner if it falls on a Saturday. I take the kids back from their dad late in the afternoon if it's not a Saturday. I think you need to be fair with everything, I really enjoy my kid free time and getting one on one time with my partner. As adults we need to remember that it was us who broke up with each other not the kids breaking up with their parents. Everything will fall into place as long as you can keep it amicable.
I started dating my partner when stepson was 4 years old. We would do start of xmas holidays till xmas morning one year then get him xmas afternoon till new year the next year.
When he was about 8 years his mum decided he was old enough to spend xmas day away from the other parent. We noe have him from start of holidays to xmas eve (then 2 weeks in January) or pick up xmas eve for 3 weeks. Stepson in now 14 and it works really well for us.
For birthday & father's day we just celebrate on the closest weekend we have him.
My ex also lives about an hour from me. We alternate Easter weekends, every second year for the whole weekend. My family often go away for Easter weekend and it was too hard to always have to be back in town just to swap for a day or 2. Christmas we alternate. For example this year she will be with him Christmas Eve to 4 or 5pm Christmas Day. Last year she was with me for that period of time. Handover at that time means my girl gets a full lunch without having to rush.
Also, he doesn't drive, so after a few years spending most of my Christmas day driving hither and yon, I instituted a rule. If she is with me on Christmas Day and he wants her that night, he has to pick her up. Likewise, if he is at hers on Christmas Day and I want to see her, I do the driving. The first year he didn't believe me, rang me up and 3pm on Christmas Day and said everyone at his house had had too much to drink and no-one could drive, so could I deliver her. I told him politely where to stick it and offered to drop her off on Boxing Day. He hasn't pulled that crap since.