** TRIGGER WARNING ** POSSIBLE SEXUAL ABUSE.
mums please help me..
I feel like such a failure of a mum.. i havnt been able to stop crying..
We were at a friends house today (who has been the ONLY person to ever watch my kids 4 and 2) any way i walked in on her son who is 7 i think what can only be described as masturbating my 4yo son! (i can not get the sight out of my head) they were standing in the corner of the bedroom and the boy had his hands down my sons pants. :'( i said what are you doing! And the boy denied it and i said i seen it! I grabed my son and went straight out and told my friend. She didnt seem to flip out at all like i was.she was just like 'bloody boys' I was shaking and couldnt breath. ( i have actually thought i seen something like this before with him to my son but i wasnt sure and thought no couldnt of) She told him off and put him in timeout. She made him apologize to me and my son but it was like he didnt even care. I told hubby we need to leave now and then broke down in the car and told him what had happened and he is wild as. We have spoke to our son and tried to explain that it was wrong and everything and that no one is allowed to touch him and he has to say no and tell mummy or daddy.
I dont know what to do.. im so disgusted and feel sick. ive always had this fear and thats why ive never let anyone watch my kids. And now im freaking out even more as he is starting pre entry kindy next term.
Help me please.... i do understand boys may do this behavior but not to what i saw.. im so upset what do i do.......
16 Replies
Contact Bravehearts for advice
You think he's 7? Are you sure?
His age will be the main decider between abuse or age appropriate curiosity
An age gap of less than 3 years will generally be considered just curiosity
You need to keep your emotions well and truly neutral when talking to your son about it, and so should the other kids parents, super important!!!! Do NOT let him see you cry or be upset or angry!
The other boy is 8
In that case, yes I would be concerned and absolutely calling bravehearts for advice.
But it is still super important to remain neutral in front of your son, and whilst it's out of your hands what the other parents do, it breaks my heart to think of this other boy being punished and forced to say sorry for doing something that he may well be processing himself
At this point, keep your son away, don't talk to him about it unless he brings it up (in which case take on a listening role!) and do all the phone calls you need to do when he's not in earshot so you can work out the next step
CHildren are sometimes just curious. How does your son feel about it? It does sound to me that you need some counseling yourself. There is nothing to be disgusted about. The child who did this is only 7. It would be different if it was an adult who did it. If it was indeed sexual abuse then the child himself is being abused otherwise he would not have emulated this behaviour. I would seriously be contacting bravehearts for advice, and also information for yourself just to help you get through this.
I know a child who had been groomed, he was sexually abused and then started grooming other children who had disabilities because "he knew they wouldn't tell anybody" this boy was 7 years old and the children he abused were six and seven years old. Do not say that 7 year olds cannot be perpatrators. They can be. This boy was continuing the cycle of what happened to him whilst at school. There is no excuse for parents bushing it off as normal behaviour, it is not normal to put you hands down someone else's pants and touch their genitals. I have taught my children that they can play with their own private parts but they are not allowed to touch anyone else's private parts even if they say it's ok. Because it is not ok. I will explain consent and other age appropriate things as they get older. But whilst they are still young there is no way I want them exploring any one else's body but their own!!!
It actually is perfectly normal for children to engage in this behaviour if they are of similar age, size and cognitive ability
No it's not!! I was a child who's cousin of the same age decided that she wanted to touch my body after she was told no by me. Because I didn't want her to. I didn't feel the need to explore her body and I didn't want to because I knew it was wrong. Please don't tell me what happened to me was fucking normal it wasn't. I still haven't told my family my mum of even her mum, it made me feel dirty and disgusting at six years old. I also made sure that I wasn't left with that cousin by myself and stopped sleeping over there. To make sure she couldn't touch me anymore. My sons don't sit there and compare penis' at 2 years apart, they know that they can touch their own bodies but no one else's and they have Autism! The child who was assaulted is 4 years old and the child doing the assaulting is 8 years old and old enough to know not to touch another child's body. If they were both 4 year olds and both participating it would be considered "normal" but when only one is doing the touching and the age gap is what it is there is no way it's normal. 8 year olds should know better than to touch someone else's body in that way. With all the protective behaviours courses that occur in schools and the like their is no reason for any child that age to not know what proper boundaries are!! And if they don't then they shouldn't be left alone and unsupervised with other children.
I agree, I have an 8 year old son and they understand what is right and wrong. At that age, they are even starting to put a towel around them after a shower, certainly not running around naked like toddlers, who have no idea.
Sorry, but for many kids it is normal
Your children may explore like this, they may not, but if something ever happens with them and you report it, you will be asked about age, and size
That's not saying it can't be harmful, or this situation wasn't harmful, just that there are parameters that would need investigating
As soon as this mum said the other kid was 8, I advised her to seek help, this IS a situation that will be taken seriously by the authorities
But I remember pulling pants down with the 4 yo boy from next door, and laughing my head off at the tricks my brother could do with his penis in the bath when I was 6 and he was 5, it was innocent and interesting, nothing more
What you described is normal and if any adults had of walked in on these activities, they prob would have told you off and had a giggle to themselves. What the IM described was a bigger boy, stroking a younger boy In the corner and he quickly denied it.....her gut reaction says it all, if it doesn't feel right,then it isn't. Your story didn't once mention an incident where the other child touched you, you showed your, he showed his and your brother was touching himself, the difference is significant.
Actually I did touch my brother, we thought it was funny
And I've said a few times now I agree this situation isn't normal and to seek help
My comments were to the mums who think their children are sooo special they'll never engage in any kind of sexual experimentation, you may be shocked one day mamas
The other boy is 8
Contact Bravehearts for advice - the're all very accomodating and kind and will help you find out what is the next step. https://bravehearts.org.au/
Oh Mumma. I feel your pain because I'm going through similar, but not with a 7 year old but my Dad! (Didnt catch them in the act but she disclosed) Even being my Dad, I had to report it. It's so hard but my daughters safetys #1. It doesn't matter the perp's age, whether the act comes from a 7 year old or a 47 year old it can have the same traumatic effects on your child. I would be first be contacting bravehearts or somone to find out where to get your son some help, secondly I would be reporting the incident to the DCP because a 7 year old doing that indicates to me that either he too is being abused or needs some therapy! Yes your friend may hate you, as my Mum might too :( but protecting your son and any other children is way more important than that. Lots of hugs your way
In saying that, I done the same thing with my 'boyfriend' at 7 in some bushes at school. But I still feel like it doesn't matter what the age a child shouldn't be subjected to that behaviour. And while me and my boyfriends touched eachothers parts, it was literally a few second touch, and we thought that was sex, if it was a masturbating movement then that is definatly cause for concern