Hi IM's, I am having some trouble with my sex life, my sex drive has plummeted but the issue is that even when I want to have sex I just can't I am disgusted by the thought of anyone, even my partner, touching me in a sexual way.
A little back story, I am 21 years old and have two little boys. From the age of 3 or 4 until I was 13 of 14 I was sexually abused by multiple people who were supposed to protect and love me, because of this I had very little self love and respect as a teenager and while I was in college I put myself in a lot of dangerous situations. Most of the time these situations turned out fine but there was a few times when people manipulated me making me feel safe with them, then took advantage of me being alone and they raped me.
I have only just started opening up about what happened to me and have started the process of making a police report and pressing charges and since all that has come up I can't do anything sexual without feeling disgusted and violated. My partner and I used to have sex at least a few times a week usually more, but we have tried to have sex once in the last month or two and it ended up with me in tears.
How do I stop feeling this way? The police and court process could take years. I don't want to not be able to have sex for years. I don't want my partner to feel unloved for years. I feel so alone in this.
I am planning on starting counselling again once the reports are filed but I was hoping that someone here might have some advice or strategies that have worked for them or someone they know.
Having sex after trauma
Having sex after trauma
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Self Care
4 Replies
Aww babe! This is so sad to me. It's so good that you have been able to even have a relationship with a man at all after everything you have been through. I hope counselling works for you and I really hope the people who did those horrible things to you go to jail and pay for what they have done.
Your partner will need to just be patient, and I'm sure he will be, he will understand. You are so young, a little while without sex won't hurt him or you and I feel with the counselling you will recover enough to have sex again before years.
I wish you the best.
I don't know if this will help, but this is an article I read yesterday. Found it an interesting view point.
Http://www.dazeddigital.com/artsandculture/article/32837/1/helping-sexual-assau...
I am posting this anonymous as i was raped at 16 by 3 blokes, i am 39 now, everything you have said i went through when i was younger, i put myself in dangerous situations i just did what boyfriends wanted rather then them just taking, it does get better i promise with a supportive partner who understands the not wanting sex or getting upset after, you need someone who will listen to you and support you, i hope you come through this soon
I have been there, I was molested several times in my childhood, anf then by the man who adopted me, my aunts husband, from the time I was 11-16. I met my now husband at 16, moved in at 17, we had sex up to 7 times a day, then it was like one day the trauma hit and I couldn't do it any more. That happened around 19. I still wanted him, but every time he touched me intimately I would cry or shake, I just could not do it. I figured out the problem, and asked him to go slow. For a few weeks after I figured it out, it was kiss or hug only, no wandering hands. Another few weeks and he could touch my jaw and shoulders, or my upper back, another few weeks and, over clothes or at the line of where clothes ended he could touch my breasts and behind, then we moved further, but it took a good eight months to ease back into being able to do it without a problem. I am so thankful you stepped forward, my husband and I have never talked about this problem with anyone, not even the counselor we used to see, and it feels lovely to know I'm not the only one who went through this. If you have any questions, leave them here, or maybe we can figure out a way to pm each other as I don't want everyone knowing. I may be 29, but it's still not a topic I share with everyone