Hi ladies, I'm having my 2nd baby and with my first I didn't have the option to breastfeed as it was a matter of 'healthy mum healthy bub' without needing to go into detail.....
This time around I have the option but I'm having a hard time adjusting to the idea of baby feeding off me. Yes I know 'breast is best' but to be honest when you walk down the street you can't tell the different between someone who has been breastfeed or not plus my son is extremely healthy so i can't see any benefits that breast would have given him. My partner is struggling at the idea of it also and I personally feel so uncomfortable thinking about my baby on my breast in front of family and friends. Yes I know you can cover but for so long I have always looked at breast as being sexual I can't get my head around the idea of it being a feeding source even though that's why we have them (also just to clarify having a csec again as vaginal birth was not an option the first time either). I'm just really struggling with the idea of it all and knowing My parents will be around and the fact my partner wants bottle is making it harder too. I don't know how to overcome the idea of it all and really struggling with the idea of it all. I don't have any reservations putting baby on the bottle as it was great and easy for my son while I was getting better. It was also easier to share the feeds. Yes I know you can express but it's just really hard to be comfortable with the idea. How did you over come this in front of family and friends? I don't need a lecture on what's the best source as I think personally it's whatever suits and best for bub at the time. Just some ideas on how to overcome feeding in front of family and friends would be extremely helpful. I'm still undecided and the only reason I want to do breast is for the initial benefits and also because society makes us mothers feel terrible if we don't. Any ideas?
Breastfeeding in front of family and friends vs formula feeding
Breastfeeding in front of family and friends vs formula feeding
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt
8 Replies
Hmmm, I think because you start in hospital it almost feels more medical anyway. I'm assuming you are ok with your baby coming out of your vagina without seeing that as the baby coming out of a sexual body part? Body parts can have multiple functions. My arms and legs can be very sexual, but I also use them for holding things and running. My lips can be extremely sexual but I use them to eat and talk. I love having my ears licked in a sexual way but I use them to hear with. I can give a guy a handjob with my hand, but I also use that hand to hold my sons hand. Do you see? It's only sexual in a sexual moment. It's not the body part it's self that is sexual.
But when you first start to breastfeed it's in a hospital setting, and there is absolutely nothing sexy or sexual about that or the feeling at any time. It's quite probable you will have a midwife helping you, again not sexy!
Personally I'd start examining my breasts if I was you, in a clinical way. Look at the nipple, get used to them just being another body part.
Personally the first few weeks I breastfed mostly in private. Mainly because my son had difficulty latching. I did breastfeed around my mum and sisters to start off with then as I grew in confidence and my son and I got more skilled I spread my wings.
Breast isn't best.
Fed is best.
Do what is best for you and your baby.
Don't let anyone pressure you into doing anything uncomfortable.
Maybe you could weigh up the pros and cons of bottle vs breast for you.
Formula con- expensive. Around $1000 for the year. And that's with a cheap formula.
Pro- can give someone else the opportunity to feed.
Breastfeeding con- draining. Can't just give Bub to anyone to feed when you need a break.
Pro- free.
Feeding in front of family is easy. Just used a breastfeeding cover. They won't really care about what you're doing.
My first was formula fed from 8 weeks to 18 months. Was never sick until we switched to cows milk.
My second is 11 months, breastfed and has been sick every month from 4 months old. So no "immunity boosting properties " in my experience.
Good luck choosing what is best for you. Happy mum = happy Bub.
Brilliant answer.
Do what ever you feel comfortable doing, it's up to you, not your partner or family, maybe try and feed while in hospital and if u don't like it or are still uncomfortable put bub on a bottle, as long as bub is fed there isn't a problem, do what makes you feel most comfortable... Personally I found breastfeeding comfortable and enjoyed bonding with bub that way, but everyone is different
Unfortunately I dont have any tips on how to get over feeling uncomfortable feeding infront of others. I think its something you just get over in time. I felt funny to start with and wanted to cover up and would go into other rooms but in the end I couldn't have cared less. It just takes time. Plus sometimes I felt I was more uncomfortable with the idea that others would be uncomfortable around me feeding. That's there problem not yours. Family and friends get used to it and with the big push for more mothers to breast feed these days I think people are a lot more used to seeing breastfeeding Mums in public. Theres even breastfeeding friendly cafés. Maybe go along to an ABA breastfeeding class. They are amazing ! I BF my son until 19months and honestly if I hadn't gone to that class I probably would of had him on formula by day 4....also like the Milk Megs page on facebook....good luck with whatever you decide....and please just remember a loved baby that is getting fed every day is what's best.
I kind of think if your not comfortable breastfeeding, just don't do it. You don't have to justify it to anyone, its your personal choice just like my choice has been to breastfeed my babies.
But if you definitely want to give it a go, you don't have to feed in front of people if your uncomfortable doing so. I hardly ever do except in front of my mum and sister and husband. Generally if I'm at someone's house, I just go off into a quite room to feed.
I'm not going into the breast vs bottle controversy (as much as I want to! I find it so sad that the controversy even exists) but my suggestion is - why not change the minds of your family and friends? I assume they all must be bottle feeders, which explains why you are worried about breastfeeding in front of them. So they need some education about what is best for both you and the baby - why not be the one to initiate the change? There are loads of resources at your fingertips. As far as I know, most states have a similar pregnancy health record that all your appointments and health info are recorded in, and inside that there is a list of reasons explaining why breastfeeding is recommended. Just read it out to them or show them. It's not to say that bottle fed babies can't be healthy, too. I get that. But that's like saying 'my grandfather smoked all his life and was healthy, so therefore smoking isn't bad for you'. I am a paediatric nurse and midwife, and honestly, we don't bang on about breastfeeding because we're all brainwashed or bullies. It's just that we see it with our own eyes. We see the digestion problems, the intolerances, the bronchiolotis and ear infections (which of course can happen to breastfed babies too, but are much more common and severe in bottle fed babies), we see the constipation, the overweight toddlers, the tonsils/adenoids/grommets later on, the list just goes on and on. There are so many reasons to change the culture of your family and friends - be the one to make it happen.
I'm on baby #3 i breast fed all of them till around 16 months. Just cause as you said with feeding your son by bottle was easy, breast was easy for me. Didn't have to remember to bring formula or bottles when I went out cause I had it on tap.
When I had my first I felt really awkward doing it in front of anyone cause we both had to get the hang of it. After the first six weeks it was cruisy. I got very good at tying a wrap to my bra to cover baby and he was a super fast feeder 15 minutes max and he was done.
My three were all ceserian and this didn't play apart in the breast feeding.
I don't judge mamas who are unable to feed babies for medical or mental health reasons (you may fall into this category) but if your able and healthy then why shove a piece of plastic in your bubs mouth when you could go alnatural. It's an amazing bonding experience. I'm done with feeding and having babies but I miss the closeness.
It's not forever! Soon they will drink from a bottle independently, then a cup, then off to school without you.