Hi IM please I need advice. Sorry this is long
I have a 12 year old son who has just been a utter shit.
Early years: he was having contact with his father who was a drug user as well as violent and when he use to have access he would be doing these things while he had our son. I have had my son in counselling on and off since he was 5 years old. I tried to get access stopped due to the trauma my son had gone through from his father for years, but now I'm starting to think the damage is done and I can't help fix him.
Now currently: my son has always had issues at school academically his whole school life and this year he started high school and omg I feel like I'm in hell.
The school and I have had many discussions on how we can help him get through school. He now does hands on learning one day a week, has counceling one day a fortnight and does anger group sessions through the school as well. I have always tried to support him in everything he does but my problem is he constantly lies. For example he was hit at school last Friday and it really pissed me off because I don't like violence, and the fact he said he was hit in the back of the head and became dizzy and fell over. So I take him to the hospital to get him checked and to the police station to get this other kid charged.
I spoke to the school about it Monday and they had done an investigation and today I find out my son had said racist comments to this other kid many times before he hit my son. I do not agree that this kid should of hit my son and he has been suspended as well as my son has as well.
My son is still saying he has done nothing wrong omg what do I do. I feel like I'm failing him. I'm so embarrassed that he keeps telling lies. I will be taking him to the police station tomorrow to be spoken to about giving false statements to the police. I just don't know what to do anymore.
7 Replies
Hmm does he see it as lying or does he see it as leaving things out? Or for him does he not understand that he used racist slurs, and there for started it.
I kind of feel he might not understand what he has done? Or what he is actually doing? Has he ever had an assessment by a peadiatrician or child psychologist? Has he had an in depth language assessment by a speech/language pathologist?
I kind of think given his history of struggling in school that if a full work up hasn't been done a full picture of what he truly understands and if there are any underlying undiagnosed disorders is called for.
A psychologist can also help you with a behaviour plan regarding the lying.
He has had assessments through school and they have always come up with his behind to where he should be. He is staying down next year because his just not coping with education or relationships.
Has he ever been assessed for Aspergers?
He was assessed for autism and they said he was on the spectrum.
That makes sense. Definitely find him a private psychologist who specialises in autism and Aspergers. The school can only do so much. You can access private psychologist appointments through your sons mental health care plan. Also look into the NDIS. If your son is eligible things like this can be covered under the NDIS.
I think you need to make sure you are giving him help designed around his diagnosis and profile. It's all very relevant!
Think about how you communicate things too. You left out very important information, 'omitted' whole parts of information very relevant to your sons understanding of the world. Something you've also said he does. Make sure you are modelling the behaviour you want.
But definitely get him to see a private psych who specialise in ASD. They can give you a structured way of teaching him about lying, omitting important information, racism, bullying etc.
He didn't lie exactly. He just didn't say the whole truth. The kid did hit him. In the back of the head so it seems like he had turned around before the other decided to hit him. Which can't come under self defence. So it doesn't really change much with police the other kid would still get it trouble. What you need to be working on is his behaviour to others. The racism and such. It doesn't seem like the lying is the issue here it's that he didn't find his part in it wrong.