Hi IMs
My family has had no contact with my mil n her husband for 4 yrs now .. Long story short we had issues when I was preggo with our last child .. Mil's hubby rang n abused me over issues with my hubby's dad ect.. Petty shit really .. So we decided as I was in the last 8 wks of a high risk pregnancy n hubby works away that we would cut contact until hubby was home n he would sort it out as it was his family that caused issues .. That turned into 2-3 almost fist fights between the men .. Then my mils hubby would scare our other 2 kids on the way home from school by driving really slow past them n staring at them , try to intimidate our oldest .. Which cause another almost fist fight..
Fast forward to now n we find out our eldest (13) has been going there to see them for the last mth without us knowing !! I was a footy training with the younger ones ..
My hubby n I are so not happy about this contact at all ..
But my question is should we let our eldest see his grandmother as he wants too ??
Further back to hubby's childhood his mum gave him drugs n alcohol at a very similar age to our eldest..
We don't want things to blow up in our face if we stop them having contact but don't know what's the best thing to do !!
What would you do ?
5 Replies
Hmm tough one! How do you plan to monitor your 13 year olds movements? Will banning them, make them more intent on doing it? 13 is a tricky age. What does the 13 year old know about the situation? Have you had a discussion with him about how the visits came about?
Hi, yes we are worried if we stop him seeing her it will back fire on us n we'll loose our son !! N yes his aware of everything except how his dad was treated as a child ..
I think I'd allow him some kind of relationship, but make it clear that like with going anywhere, visiting friends etc you need to know where he is. Normal rules apply. Ask to visit, tell you where you are going, when you'll be home.
Open a dialogue with him about what happens at the visits, not an interrogation, but a discussion.
Hubby n I were thinking , once a wk visits for an hr only .. On the provision that she don't undermine mine & hubby's decisions ect, he keep his school grades up !!
Hoping that once he sees her true colours that he'll pull away !!
She's a manipulative person !!
I guess it depends on the maturity of ur 13yo . I'd suggest opening the lines of communication with your 13yo . Tell him you know he's going and that you are ok if he wants to know his grandmother , but that you also know she's supplied drugs to kids in the past and have the drug safety talk again . Tell him what your worried about and that although it's good to know family sometimes they can be a bad influence etc etc etc . Be honest and go over about why you haven't seen her but try not to 'bad mouth ' her . because who knows what's she's said to him !!! She sounds like a manipulator and they tend to lie ....