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Does your partner give you money every week or do you have access to his bank account?
Long story short, my partner and I have been together 2 years and have a 9 month old baby together. He gets annoyed if I go out for lunch with my girl friends, buy birthday presents for my nieces and nephews, buy new clothes (which I need as I've lost a lot of weight), ask to get my hair done etc yet he doesn't mind going to the pub every few weeks and spending $100 +. I pay for my own petrol with the money I get from centrelink and I also pay for nappies and other baby items (he pays occasionally too). I have spoken to him about money and he tells me he has issues letting go of it because he works hard for it whereas I don't work for it. He knows it's wrong to be like that but he says he can't help thinking like that. He is paying off our mortgage so I can understand that he doesn't want to waste money but we aren't drowning in debt (both cars are paid off) so I don't see why he gets mad when I buy my nephew a $20 birthday present! I've stopped telling him when i buy something new for our baby or when I go out for a coffee now because I can't deal with th dissaproval. He will give me $50 every couple weeks when I start complaining about money but it's not very much combined with the family tax benefit. If I mention I want to buy something he will say 'what for? Do you need it? Waste of money!' I don't want to have to ask permision to buy something for myself! Lately if he offers me money I find myself becoming stubborn and turning him down because I don't want to justify what I spend it on.
How can I make him see that his money is now mine aswell? How much money does your partner give you/week? Our relationship is great otherwise!
How much money does your partner give you?
How much money does your partner give you?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Money
13 Replies
That doesn't sound very fair at all of him to think that just because he goes to work he deserves it all! You are raising his two children, that's hard work in it self. I handle all of our finances, including having my partners money put in my bank account weekly. I then take care of bills, mortgage etc. I automatically transfer him and myself 100 each Friday and that's our money to spend what we want. Out of the money we get, I have a weekly budget of groceries etc that I follow and nappies come out of the shopping money. It took a long time for him to realize that we need to have our money going into one account rather than me relying on him to transfer me the money to do what I need to do each week! I ended up speaking with his parents to ask them to help enforce that the mindset should be that we share our money :) I'm sorry I can't help with hints on how to get him to realize :( but I hope the other bits help! Good luck xx
My partner and I share both bank accounts, There is no divide on who's money it is. Its our money. He works full time and I part time and our FTB goes into his account as that is where all our major expenses get paid out from. I should say that his account covers our household bills, mortgage, food, clothing, school fee's...everything. My wages are primarily our savings, Used for treat's, outings and household upgrade's etc. We don't even have spending money each week, we just both keep tabs on in goings and out goings. If either of us are planning a large purchase we discuss it prior to doing so. If it was just a evening out etc its no big deal to either of us. We have the same financial goals and spending habits so it works. This didn't happen naturally, very early on we had some hic up's that we needed to sit down and work through....But saying that, this is the system we ended up with....and it has worked now for many years. Maybe sit down and talk to him and try and come up with a system that will work for your family.
My partner has alcohol and gambling issues so once his pay goes into his account, it gets transferred straight across to mine. I pay all the bills and depending on what's left, he gets an 'allowance'. It probably sounds harsh but he put us in a lot of debt, that I'm slowly getting on top of.
It's not his money or my money but ours. We pay the bills, pay rent, buy food and necessities and then if anyone needs money for something if we can budget for it it's all good.
My partner and i don't share an actual bank acc together , if I don't have any money left over after the week though and I ask him he's happy to give it to me, ONLY if it's going towards something we need tho like extra grocerys, kids, bills etc etc... Otherwise I try to manage my money wisely so I can have some spare cash for the lunch dates that kind of thing.
If I asked my partner for money if he knew it was for just for lunch or clothes then yes he gets annoyed with that too. He also goes by the theory he works hard for it. All my advice can be is mayb try to save a little Ech week even if it's like $10-$20a week) so then if u get asked to go out for lunch u have Ur own and don't have to ask him
Never let a man control you with money. If he won't give you money (even 20 bucks) without questioning you/guilting you - then saying no...that's crap. Why dont you just get asmall part time job? 1 day a week at safeway or offer to do your family or friends ironing or washing for a small fee. Even if you earnt only 50 dollars a week you could have that money for yourself and he will have to put up with that
My husband and I share our money as we are a young family with 3 children under 5 and I work part time, he full time. If you're not "drowning in debt" as you put it, own 2 cars and are currently paying off your own home, why the hell do you get a Centrelink allowance. Unless you are disabled, go and get a job like everyone else, my taxes are going towards you're cake and coffee. No wonder your partner is pissed off.
Omg seriously..... We have had a joint bank account since we first moved in together, everything is in both names (now) except a credit card (is in his name but I have a card and access to the online statement) even when I didn't work if I wanted money for anything I just took it (as long as it was within our budget) any major items we discuss first out of courtesy and work into our budget.
Omg seriously..... We have had a joint bank account since we first moved in together, everything is in both names (now) except a credit card (is in his name but I have a card and access to the online statement) even when I didn't work if I wanted money for anything I just took it (as long as it was within our budget) any major items we discuss first out of courtesy and work into our budget.
Thanks for all the replies. It's great to see other people's perspectives. I think that yes, we definitely need to sort out a budget and then use whatever is left over IF we want something.
Just to clear up a couple things, I do consult him if I'm going to make a large purchase. To the poster with 3 kids - we get the family tax benefit because centrelink says we are entitled to it. My partner works hard, I've worked hard for my money too. I worked full time right till the end of my pregnancy. We pay our taxes. We get family tax benefit because we are on a low income. We aren't 'drowning in debt' but we certainly aren't wealthy. We pay rent to live at my in laws while our house is being built and we also make payments on said house. We buy groceries and baby items and run 2 cars. I'm sorry you have to be working part time but that is your choice. Have you checked to see what you're entitled to from centrelik? Maybe your husband earns more than mine hence you are not entitled!
Bit rude to also assume all I spend my money on is coffee and cake. I rarely go out, but if I do, I can't exactly rock up with an empty wallet can I. Our centrelink money is spent on fuel or our child and let me assure you, we get jack all!
It's just hard for me as I've always earnt my own money, always had access to money and been independent but now I have to rely on someone else.
Thanks for the replies. :) very helpful
All money is our money - we don't have shared accounts (largely because we've been too slack to set it up) but do have access (via card & logon) to eachother's accounts. We have had to get better at budgetting and communicating about money and budget foreseen expenses and try to give ourselves a little bit of pocket money which is separate to household expenses but that's to keep us on track, not to divide money between us if that makes sense?
My husband gives me an "allowance" of $100 per week to spend on coffee, lunch dates, play group costs etc. He also gets a $100 allowance for his beer etc. We share our bank accounts and everything else comes out of our joint accounts (bills, fuel, groceries, house payments etc). If I want new clothes/shoes/hair cut etc I use our joint account for it. I always check with my husband before spending money from the joint account, as does he with me. I think you both definitely need to sit down and do a budget up, and work out what's fair for each of you. Anything we don't spend that week out of our allowances goes straight back into our savings account which we use for extra house repayments, or for when we travel to visit families. We also get no help from centrelink so we are pretty strict with what we do spend, but we don't limit ourselves too much as we both feel we deserve to have a couple of little luxuries as we both work so hard - him working 12 hr days 5 days a week, and I raising our two kids and moulding them to be model citizens. Your partner needs to respect that although you don't get a wage of some sorts, you work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week without a complaint. I guess the biggest piece of advice I can give is talk through it all and come to a mutual agreement. It's really hard for men to see it from our point of view sometimes.
Hiding spending isn't going to help and isn't very fair on him. You should talk to him about doing up a budget that includes both his wage and your ftb. If he is having a hard time letting it go because he works for it maybe he isn't feeling appreciated for the hard work he does. Try thanking him weekly for working and providing for you all, make him breakfast and look after him :) it may help.
We have a 9 month old and only started sharing money once we became parents. I've also told my partner everything I do in a day (his breaky, snacks, lunch for work, our meals during the day, dinner, washing, cleaning the house, taking care of the dog, socialising our son even when I'd rather have a quiet day) he didnt actually realise what I actually did in a day until I wrote down what happened from 7am-4pm while he's gone. That has made him more appreciative :)