Help with partner and son.
Hello to all the parents out there. I need some help with my partner and son. My back story is my partner and I are highschool sweet hearts and have been together for 11 years. We moved in together very young and started our family when we were 19. We have 3 beautiful children who are boy 5, girl 1, baby girl 14 weeks old.
Now where do I start. One of my problems is my partner! He has never had any recpect for our kids or me. I am constantly being told what I do is never good enough for him, that I am a bad mum/partner, the reason why our son has epilepsy is because of me and I have screwed up my whole families life for my choices in life (having kids to young). He is constantly putting me down for anything that ever goes wrong in our lives and blames me for our financial situation. We are on a basic income with me recieving family tax but for some reason he seems to think that because I recieve family assist that I should be paying for all our bills and should have saved up enough for a deposit to purchase a house even though what I get doesn't cover the bills and his money should go to what he wants in life which it does. The relationship between my partner and I is to the point where I am falling out of love with him becasue he thinks the sun shines out of his asshole. I might add that my partner believes that he should have to do nothing with the kids, around the house and that I should be the one working, not him. I am left to do everything in our lives like a 1950's house wife.
Now lets add my son into the problem. Omfg is all I can say. He idolizes his dad and when it comes to giving his sisters or me (actually any female) repect, he is a spitting image of his father. Everything has to go his way and only his way. I am constantly told by my son that I am a bad mum, that he hates me and everything I do is wrong. When he started prep at the begging of the year, I knew we were going to have problems. He had no repect for any of the other kids but was fine for the teachers which ment he was only getting into trouble at lunchtime. We have been informed by the teachers that he is a extremely smart child who would benefit being a grade higher but that unfortunately cannot happen. Now since we are closer to end of term 3 all I can say about his behavior is wow. He has had 7 lunchtime detention in the last 2 weeks for either hitting other kids or teacher. I have noticed that he will only pick on girls and most of the teachers are ladies. I have been talking to his lovely teachers all year trying to organise different things to entertain his defiant behavior but it has come to the point where he is being sent out of class to sit in the deputys office for half the day so the other kids can learn and the school is considering getting him tested for some sort of behavioural problems.
I am on the verge of a very big breakdown but I know that I still have 2 girls that look up to everything I do. I have no idea what to do next with both partner and son and have no idea what might solve my problems. Have help would be grately appreciate. Thanks
5 Replies
Wow. Just wow. Your partner is not only making you miserable but ruining your sons life and in turn your son will make another woman very miserable when he grows up. Sorry to be harsh but he will know no different.
This is NOT your fault. If you don't want to leave your partner then Your partner needs therapy asap. So does your son. Your whole family should get help.
I find it so hilarious (sarcasm) that men these days think women should do everything like a 50s housewife but of course they would never agree to doing everything like a 50s husband!!!! Can't have it both ways, blaming you for financial problems but also saying you need to do everything with the kids. He sounds like an entitled prick and I feel sorry for you!
Don't put up with it any longer. Your son can still be saved. And your daughters especially, don't let them grow up thinking that's how a man treats a woman. Imagine your regret seeing them with husbands who abuse them like that (yes what's he's doing is abuse. Just because he doesn't hit you doesn't mean it isn't abuse).
I am appalled and so upset by this post. :(
You need to separate. The school can't help your son while this behaviour continues in the home. While you allow dad to treat you badly your son will continue to treat you badly.
Your husband is abusive. Research emotional abuse. Your kids deserve better and your daughters deserve to have a mother who won't put up with this shit!!!
You can not change dads behaviour, because this IS who he is. He feels the way he feels about how life should be even if that's totally unrealistic. And many a woman has wasted her life trying to get a man like your partner.
And to be perfectly blunt the earlier you leave the better. Your youngest is a baby which means you'll qualify for parenting payment single, and you don't have a mortgage so you'll qualify for rent assistance. It's an easy financial separation to manage. Don't Wait until all your kids are in school and you have a mortgage, and your confidence is crushed totally, because it's so much harder to leave then.
AMEN!
Hrs abusive. Everything will always be your fault. Youll never be good enough. Dont you want a partner who is in it with you, instead of holding you under. Dont you want a partnership, with love and respect. A sodt place to fall even if you did stuff something up. You have to realize he is not and will not change and it has already affected you so much and will only get worse
About your son thats just tragic. As if that isnt enough to know you got to go. He can not change while his home life is the way it is.
As his mother you have a duty to remove yourself and them from it. And to make yourself the best and healthiest mum you can be. You owe it to them.
I have a friend. She was in your shoes and she tried so damn hard for so long. In the end she left, her son was 14. At this age, he's learned what he's learned and it's heartbreaking. She's such a magnificently selfless woman who loves her children dearly but her son shows her no respect (16 now). He loves his mum very much but he's a kid doing stupid shit and acting how he learned "men" act, she's had to tell him to move out of their home. It broke her to do so but he behaves just like his dad and with two younger daughters in the house she's made the right choice. I tell you this because I told her, right back in the early days, what the outcome would be and now 12 years later here we all are. I've seen it before, I was raised in one of these houses except as a girl I decided I wasn't going to be walked all over so I became abusive instead. Worst time of my life, followed secondly by every day living with the guilt of how I was. It's a vicious cycle and it just takes one strong woman to find the guts to stop it in its tracks early! Your partner does not see that what he is doing is wrong, you have to take that wrongness out of your lives or 12 years down the track it'll be you and your son. Good luck, it'll be hard but the outcome will be worth it.