Caution: Bad Mum question...
This is a question for the mums with kids who have special needs... Do you ever have those moments where you wish your child was just... I dont know.. normal? I know this sounds really bad, but i had one of those moments this morning and i yelled at my 7yo son 'why cant you just be normal?' And trust me, i feel like shit enough.. After spending all day yesterday spring cleaning, we wake up this morning to pancake mix on every surface of the kitchen. The benches, the sink, the floor, the oven. Everywhere. And this kind of shit occurs on a daily basis. If its not pancake mix, its 2L of milk spilt thru the fridge or cereal/washing detergent/oil tipped out onto the floor etc; it's the swearing, the difficult behavior and the meltdowns; the violence when he belts into his sister or decides to hit me around the head when im in the car; the fact i have no verticle turners in my house because he has ripped them out; having to lock things away and hide them and the ONE time i forget to and i have expensive makeup poured down the sink or food/drink consumed (and i mean the entire packet/bottle) and he's bouncing off the walls for the next 12 hours.. Its the constant struggle just to get thru each day - i have to have eyes in the back of my head constantly.. Don't get me wrong, i love my child - and i wouldnt change him for the world.. But there are times like now that i wish our life wasn't so hard..
Help...? I'm exhausted......
(Ps. He is medicated for ADHD and other issues and sees a vast array of specialists, so i am getting him the help he needs).
3 Replies
I love my son, there have times though where I've felt it would have been nice to take the perceived 'easier path'.
With the mess side of things, we lived with locks on everything for a few years before my son broke the habit of destroying the kitchen in the night. We had magnet locks (from hardware store) on the cupboards, and the magnet key would stay with me at night. During the day the locks would remain unlocked. I wouldn't have given one shit if he had been eating food but he was just throwing around food with no interest in eating it. I also had a fridge lock.
And I totally get the makeup thing, I still don't leave anything in the bathroom to this day, my own bedroom has a lock on it, although I haven't needed to lock it for years.
Before anyone freaks out, I'd leave a bowl of fruit on the counter (if he was genuinely hungry he could eat) and he had access to water and cups etc.
Is your daughter accessing any sibling services? Contact your local carers organisations.
I also found being trained in professional assault response training invaluable. It saved my life, and it saved my sons life. It gave me a way of responding to attacks in a controlled non violent way, and without needing to use any force, but I could still protect myself/others. It's basically a method of deflecting without harm.
I can say to you now,I'm haven't needed the locks or the assault training in years. My son has come a really long way, and I could imagine taking the so called 'easier path' now.
I have 5 of these little darlings (all diagnosed), and no, I don't think I've ever thought that about them, let alone said that to them, although I can understand
What gets me through is every time I come close to this kind of thinking, I ask myself what they must be feeling right now, and every time it comes back to they are feeling more frustrated than I ever have, or their need for sensory input is greater than anything I've ever experienced, and from that position it's much easier to wait it out or comfort them or clean up the mess
It's not about me, it's about them and understanding their needs
Yes, I have thought this. And there's not a day that goes by that I don't wish my son didn't have his syndrome (mostly for his own sake). Don't feel bad about it, my son is a somewhat higher functioning sufferer (at least emotionally) in that he doesn't have the anxiety, he doesn't have difficulty with transitions, there are no meltdowns, he doesn't rely on a set routine. But it's still hard!
I'm sure you're doing a great job and you've just had one of those moments! I'm sure you feel guilty about vocalising your thoughts to your son but you must know that there isn't a parent in the world who hasn't said something they probably shouldn't have to their child at some point- we're all human!