So, I am in a really awful situation that I think is driving me crazy. My partner of 8 years is completely self- absorbed, he is abusive constantly calling me a fat cu*$ or look at you and that wobble when you walk, he says things to me such as you are nothing without me or you are nothing without the kids, you disgust me, you are nothing but a mutt or you are just mutton ( I am 30 he is 12 years older) I can not function anymore, I do not want to get out of bed, I no longer want to clean my house and I am depleted. I have four kids under 5 and they trash the house if he comes home and it is a mess he says things like he will video tape the mess so he can leave with the kids or he screams at me for the state of the house. IT can get messy but it is not dirty, rubbish bins are changed everyday, kids always have clean clothes, the beds are changed twice a week and i vac and mop most days but some days he comes home and just screams at me, I actually want to run away. He is constantly cheating on me saying that he cheats because I give him none or that I do not understand that he has a need to have sex, his last comment was why do you get to do what you want and you cant let me do what i like he has said because I do not allow him to have sex with other women that he has lost all respect for me because he thought I was open, he has run my self esteem to the ground, some nights he comes home at 4am and just ses he was at the gym, I do not want to keep living this life its taking away all my worth and my poor babies its taking away my ability to mother them. He does not like me having friends accusing me of being a lesbian if I meet a friend. I know he has so many dating apps, he prays on single mothers that have been through traumatic relationships and he builds them up so he can sleep with them and than offers them nothing. I feel sick to my stomach I live with this man. I have no family in the country and not really any close friends I just do not know anymore, am I that awful ? Why can I not be anything ? I am tired I just think I needed to vent.
Partner Problems
Partner Problems
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Self Care, Parenthood Guilt, Behaviour
11 Replies
You will be soooooo much happier without him. Go and find the people that know and love the real you (including yourself!)
Its absurd that we believe what someone else tells us we are. And its ridiculous the amount of effort it takes to leave this kind of absolute shit, they really grind us down into the ground. but you need to find it in you and do it. He is your problem, its not you.
Thanks for this message, it is nice to get a little bit of clarity x
Im glad it helped! I remember being so confused and everything was so hard, nothing went right and i felt bad all the time. Thats not normal. Theres a big black cloud in your house and you wont be able to heal you and get your life back with him still there bringing you down.
Its just a matter of deciding enough is enough and making the break. It will be the hardest thing to do (youve been mentally conditioned to accept, stay with and work with this man) breaking that takes a lot! But youll also heal faster, and get better so quickly, because nobody needs the pain, hate, disrespect, heartbreak and damage that hes doing to you.
If I was you I would start by reaching out to my GP for a mental health care plan. You badly need someone to talk to and speaking to a psychologist will not go against you in any way. Your dick of a husband won't even know!
Your psychologist can help you boost your self esteem and access services that will get you and your kids out of there. Otherwise reach out to a DV support group.
But you do not deserve that crap, and no man is worth that treatment. You know it.
Get out asap. Every second you spend with that germ of a "man" your self esteem gets worse. Not only that you are teaching your son that it is ok to treat women like that and teaching your daughter that it is ok to be treated like that. You deserve so so so much better. Best of luck!
You may not have any self confidence but all you need to leave is to gather what dignity you have left and just take the first steps to breaking free from this poisonous relationship. It is toxic for you, It is deeply life changing for your children and they will resent you for staying. Seeing how you are treated will also have them wanting better for you and they are children. They should not be worrying about things that they can't control. Sweetie you deserve better! Leave and don't listen to a single threat he makes. See that kind of behaviour for what it is. He is desperately trying to maintain control. You can do this and once you are through it you will be sad about the time you wasted on someone that treats you this way... Keep your head high and one foot in front of the other.
I know it's hard but you need to leave him. This relationship is very toxic and he will not change.
He's a manipulative piece of shit. Sorry, but he is. Get out now safely!
Oh hell no!
What a prick!! Your husband doesn't deserve you.
Leave him to it. Take the kids and leave. Anything has to be better than putting up with that. I am so sorry you're going through that.
Massive hugs. Take care of you xx
Tired??? Need to vent??? Are you mad?? You are with an arsehole! Seriously! This man is not worth the air he breathes.
He is dragging you down. Get out for you and your kids sakes. Please.
I wish I could take you by the hand, grab your kids and take you out of that hell hole to somewhere safe!
Please see your gp about a "mental health care plan" to see a psychologist/counsellor, you'll get free sessions which will help you understand what has/is happening to you.
Contact Centrelink and let them know that you need to get out of an abusive relationship. It does NOT have the be physical violence to be abusive. Your description definitely classes as mental and emotional abuse. Your "partner" (I struggle to call him that) does not need to know that you have contacted Centrelink but they will ask you if you are safe- you should answer NO! You will then have a list of services you can contact for help as well as the financial support.
Go and set up a separate bank account (if you don't already have one) so any finances you are able to get can only be accessed by you.
You sound like a good woman who has been treated so badly for so long. You have your kids that need YOU not his poison! You obviously take good care of your kids and it's time to also care for yourself. Take lots of deep breaths and one step at a time. There is a world of good out there, please don't let his filth keep you from it anymore. You deserve respect, you deserve to be treated with decency and you have the right to say "no you will not treat me like that anymore".
Praying you find your way out very soon so you and your precious kids can start to LIVE!!!