What do u do when you have a huge family and are very close with them but they are often trying to be too involved in my children and in particular the decisions my partner and i make regarding them. My partner doesnt have a close family like i do and his family are rarely in our lives but my parent and siblings are a big part of my life. When i had my first son they didnt like the name we picked and tried to change my mind when i was pregnant and it didnt work. Now im pregnant again and they dont like the name again. They want my childrens name to be more religious and want me to involve my children in religion but my partner and I decided not to raise them in any religion as we come from different backgrounds. I hope this makes sense and how do i just let them down gently and how do i get used to them not liking my childrens names?
3 Replies
Set firm clear boundaries. I like to say 'I've heard your opinion, I understand your concerns, but this is my x/y/baby so the decision is mine and my partners'. End of story. Make it your mantra. You will need it, setting the boundaries now will make life much, much easier. It's ok for people to have opinions and it's ok to listen to them, but once given that's the end of it. Letting them know you've heard them validates them.
Remind them that theyre not in your relationship and wanting you to do whats best for them is not best for your children and your family. So if they cant respect the decisions you and your partner make together then you need to not invite them into the conversation or give them any room to think them pushing their view is acceptable.
Definitely set boundaries. I never did and now it's tourture my mil is forever over stepping the mark when it comes to my daughter with everything from when we should have her in bed and what she and her brother should eat to the way we discipline our girl in particular (she is a strong willed independent child)
One example was i was recently hospitalized with the flu mil rang hubby and said she would cook kids tea took him 15minutes to tell her no he had it sorted we had meat and veg in fridge I'd preped early in day he just had to cook it. Any way tea time came around and she had cooked kids tea, and turned around saying oh its better than take away you would feed them.
Firstly they where having snitz and veg and secondly even if they where having take away its not her business but it really upset my husband that he felt like his own mother didn't think he was capable of looking after his own kids for a few nights while i was i hospital