MIL mental illness
Hi. My MIL has suffered from mental illness for a very long time now, along with alcohol abuse. My partner and I had a massive fight with her recently where some horrible things were said. She spoke with him the next day and showed him that she was self harming! She treats my partner (her son) like a best friend and tells him everything!! Even about her own marriage and love life!
My partner and I are under a lot of stress at the moment (unrelated to her) we have two small kids and currently don't have a permanent home due to financial troubles and she is aware of this but still manages to make her problems ours!
I guess I just want to know how much should his mother be telling him and putting on him? Should she be showing him how she self harms? I feel as though whenever she feels like she is losing him she plays the victim and "needs" him? She has a lot of family support as well and I just don't think it's fair on hubby to have to carry all of this as well?
6 Replies
It depends. In our family we talk about our problems. I don't pretend I'm not going through something because someone else is going through something. For example my sister is going through a custody case, while I'm looking after an adult son with long term illness. But we don't stop telling each other and updating each other on what's going on.
Your partner is a grown up, and it is up to him to decide where he puts the boundaries.
I would like to add from a very young age she would call him at his fathers (drunk) late at night to tell him her current bf was "bashing he" her son doesn't know any different. I'm glad they are open and can talk but it feels more like she is playing the victim to win him over?
It's possible just wasn't enough information in your original post for me to come to that conclusion. But depending on what mental illness she has, that can change the answer too
Is she seeing a psychiatrist/psychologist?
If not, get her to go.
Maybe even have a word with the psych and ask them if they think what she's doing with your son is acceptable.
If they think it's inappropriate, maybe they will mention something on your behalf.
But, your partner also needs to put his grown up pants on and say "enough is enough " (if he is not coping with her).
Tell her up front. "I no longer want to be the person you tell all this stuff to, it's making our lives a living hell. I can no longer deal with it mum. If you want to talk about these things, tell them to a psych. I'm done! If you continue to do so, I will cut my family from contact with you".
She is a horrible human for plaguing your lives with ALL her problems. That is not normal.
I mean really? Sex life conversations with your son? What a creep.
I don't think she realises that she has a son, but thinks she has a girlfriend.
Your husband really needs to pluck up the courage and say something.
From the little bit of information you've shared, I reall feel that she is milking the whole "depressed" situation.
Do not feel guilty if she says she's going to self harm if tell her what I mentioned above.
My own mother once texted all us kids (I was 18/19) and said she was going to kill herself. This was around 6am on New Year's Day. What a great way to ruin the first day of year. Said "I'm going to drive off a cliff. "*partner* told me to leave. I can't live without him"...
Drove 40 minutes to stop her, got to her house, she was all "happy families" and acted like nothing happened.
Some people are just attention seekers.
You and your partners sanity is worth more than her Input in your lives, if cutting her out of it is what needs to be done, do it.
All the best.
Google narcissistic mothers, it might all make sense. I hope she isn't for you and hubby's sake.
This is my MIL. She is a narcissist. I believe she also has a personality disorder. She cannot for a second see the world through anyone's eyes other than her own. She was an alcoholic, terrible mother to my hubby when he was young and now expects that they should have a fantastic relationship now. She constantly tells us her problems but doesn't care or ask about ours. Worst person ive ever met. Mental illness or not, I just don't care anymore. She is so bad for my husband and our family. The less we talk to her, the better. Try to distance yourself as much possible.