Im torn between two lives for my 5 yr old daughter. 1) She can stay with me during the week and go to an average school here and go to her father's on weekends or 2) she can stay with her father and come see me on weekend's and go to a great school there. 1) I just started work full time as an apprentice, I start at 7:30am and finish at 5pm everyday, I dont have anyone to drop her off or pick her up so i have to drop her off at 7am and pick her up at 5:30pm I have no support and I'm torn between my full time great paying job with amazing opportunities to better my family and pay my mortgage off or have a part time job and just get by (my partner earns to much for me to get centrelink also so thats not an opption). 2) her father has a high paying full time job starts at 9 and finishes 4:30, he has so much support around him with his huge family who are really close and would do anything for our daughter. They are more than happy to have her week nights and the school is 5 min from his house and his work. My only problem is I know i should let her but she will be over an hour away from me and I cut my time down from 70% to 40% also my parents will disown me and abuse me for doing such a thing because they don't like her father.. Do i be selfish for my job or selfish for my daughter? Do i have my job and less time with my daughter but get ahead for myself and her or have no job and more time with my daughter be with her but have nothing to give her? How will i cope with so much criticism for being a mum and "giving up" my daughter? Parenting is hard and way to confusing!!
8 Replies
Personally i would choose the good money and the full weekends and holidays with her. Thats quality time together and she gets good family support through the week too.
If you could cut down hours, and be there after school each day or 2/5 that would be a great option too. But i dont see the need to not work at all with school age kids i dont think youd have enough time outside school to be 'poor but happy' anyway.
Either way you will be missing out on something, money or your child just think about what would kill you more, less money or seeing your child only on weekends. If i was you i would look into getting a partime job which suits your daughters school hours and not worry about the fulltime appreticeship because as you said your partner is earning too much for you to recieve centrelink so see if he will be willing to help out financially so you can be with youre child.
I'm a single mum with young children, working school hours and sacrificing my career. You have a partner who obviously earns a substantial amount, it's a no brainer for me, be there for your kid. My children go to the local school and I place a lot of emphasis on academics, do a lot at home and they are achieving excellent results. I also might add, the local school is awesome!! Having said that, my ex is a douche, if yours could give a loving home, food for thought I guess. Everyone is different, I know I could never be a part time parent.
Wouldn't quality time on the weekend far outweigh before and after school care and time when you are exhausted from work. You say 70% to 40% but how much of that 70% is quality time with your child? Probably less than the 40% with option 2!!
Wouldn't quality time on the weekend far outweigh before and after school care and time when you are exhausted from work. You say 70% to 40% but how much of that 70% is quality time with your child? Probably less than the 40% with option 2!!
Wouldn't quality time on the weekend far outweigh before and after school care and time when you are exhausted from work. You say 70% to 40% but how much of that 70% is quality time with your child? Probably less than the 40% with option 2!!
Have you talked to your daughter about it ? My 5 year old could understand a simple question of 'what do you think about going to school near daddy and staying with him during the week and seeing mummy on the weekends ?' And see how she responds !? I think my answer to the dilemma would really
Depend on her response and also knowing what her relationship is like with her dad !?are they close ?
With the information you provided I'd probably be on the side of school near dad . The support , the close to school , not such huge long days every day and the family connectio during the week and good quality time with you on the weekends sounds so much more beneficial to your child but ONLY if she understands and is happy to do it . A child at their age will interpret things in their own way so I'd be wanting to make sure they knew it was about what's best for them and that phone access to mummy was alway available and that you were always looking forward to seeing her etc .
As for your parents if you tell them in such a way that is about what's best for your daughter given the circumstances - you need good money to get ahead , you don't have the support she would get there , she will be in a very loving environment etc - then their reaction is their own issue .
If your focus is about what is best for you future and your daughters future then it's not selfish . It's wisdom .
From an outside view, daughter being with dad week days and mum weekends makes a lot more sense for everyone. Its not giving her up, hes her dad and if he can provide a stable loving home, just like you then there are no issues. Its great you and your daughter's father can make arrangements for the little girl that are best for her! Sounds like you have a great co-parenting realtionship!
As for your parents its not really up to them what care arrangements you and the dad choose for your daughter. Just because once upon a time it was the "mother's role" to care for the children doesnt mean dads arent capable because they certainly are!