My son is 8yrs old (almost 9) and his Biological father has never made an effort, He has seen him once when he was 2 and that's it.
He contacted me asking me if he can start to see his son once we get back from our overseas holiday (mutual friend had told him).
I am really sceptical about it all, as my son has only ever known my partner as dad (been together since he was 16months old). And I am unsure how I would go about introducing the Bio father into his life as well as the Bio Fathers 2 daughters (younger then my son).
I have never stopped the Bio dad having contact and always sent regular updates, school photos etc over the years to.
My son already suffers Anxiety with change due to a few Major life events when he was 4yrs old. He struggles just having a relief teacher at school let alone such a huge change in his life like this.
Not sure what to do
Not sure what to do
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt, Kids
4 Replies
Honestly I'd tell him that it's going to take some time, for you to think that's a good idea without serious thought. It's not saying no, but it's buying you and your son some time to get a game plan.
Set ground rules. Id start with bio dad having supervised visits for an hour a week at a set time and a set place. With no other kids involved. Your son needs to get to know him and trust him before things go any further.
It will also give you a chance to see how serious and committed he is to building a relationship. Once your son is comfortable then you can gradually add the other children in, increase length etc.
If he isn't prepared to take it slow then tell him to take it to mediation.
Taking it slow will allow your son an opportunity to adjust but also let you know if dad is going to be committed.
How would I explain who he is to my son, I am not to sure I want to tell him this is his dad, My son knows my Partner is his stepdad(calls him dad though). I am really worried if we say this is ur Dad and then he leaves again it will really damage my son.
Hmm that's a tough one!
On second thoughts I'd drag the deadbeat through mediation before allowing access. Bio dad needs to work hard and prove that he is in it for the long haul. It will give you a good chance to formalise and set in stone a plan that bio dad has to follow and also will make sure he really is genuine.
Plus with in that you can ask a family coubsellor or psychologist how they think it should be handled.
What about not calling him dad. As in this is Bob and he is your biological father. Dad is a term i have found is used as more of a emotional connection. He may be your sons bio father but he has not earned being called dad