I apologise in advance for the novel ! My son is 12 and his behaviour has gone from bad to worse. He refuses to go to school a few times a week, sweats and curses at us, steals from me and thinks nothing of pushing me, kicking me etc but no one will help me :(
A bit of a back story: since he was born he has been difficult and has multiple red flags for high functioning autism, but unless you spend a lot of time with him it is difficult to see as he has learnt to hide his quirks. For years I have battled doctors to try and get some sort of answer. Every time I was given the run around ... Told I was too hard on him, too soft, he needs more attention, go on a parenting course etc. since he has started puberty things have exploded as per the opening part of my post. I have 3 other children and my husband works away. I'm ashamed to say I am scared of him when he starts lashing out like he does. I do need to stress we have tried everything..
Anyway at the beginning of the year I found a gp who referred my son to a peadiatrician. Great I thought, finally someone who will help us! Fast forward to the appointment only to be told that allthough his history shows big red flags he is too old and getting him diagnosed now is a waste of time and money as there is no help out there for someone his age. Her "solution" is to put him on antidepressants (even though he's not depressed) as he may be more manageable on them. She couldn't even tell what is wrong with him that warrants putting him on medication. We tried the school psychologist and my son wouldn't talk so they said there was no point having any more appointments. His gp doesn't want to refer him to CAHLM because my son is unlikely to talk to anyone there. Which seems strange as wouldn't they be use to dealing with difficult children?
Anyway long story short, where can I go for help in WA? I love my son and I'm trying my best to help him but if I can't get this sorted then I dread to think where he will end up. I need help and I don't know where to turn. All of this is making my house a miserable place to be, I'm walking on eggshells from my 12 yr old :(
Please be kind... I have tried everything I can think off, this is not a case of my son being a spoiled brat there is genuinely something "wrong" whether it is autism or something else entirely. He needs help, I need help.
4 Replies
Firstly I would have demanded the autism diagnosis! Go privately! I was diagnosed as an adult (39). It was very much worth while, even though I attract no funding or help. it has been invaluable in my ongoing therapy with a psychologist.
My son has non verbal autism. He is now an adult. We trialed a course of antidepressants and it was a flipping miracle. A lot of behaviour comes from anxiety/stress that our kids can't explain, describe, communicate. His out of control, dangerous behaviour settled remarkably! So we kept him on the medication.
I'd also seek out a private psychologist who specialises in Aspergers. You do have to look for them or even a Board Certifide Behaviour Analyst. Very little is about talking. It's about teaching you as parents how to manage, and probably a course of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy would help.
But I suggest you try meds first, the thing I found for myself the meds aren't the entire fix, they calm me down enough that I can participate in therapy.
I'd also argue with any specialist that with the NDIS roll out he may be eligible for funding at some point and you want to be prepared at that time. If you are paying for the assessment/diagnosis there should be no problems. I know many people who have been diagnosed in teens and as adults.
Reading between the lines, he doesn't show any behaviours outside the home showing that he can control himself and he refuses to talk and open up and help himself so it seems that you can treat it as a relationship issue and manage accordingly. If you've done parenting courses hopefully you have strategies for relationship building and respect and boundaries. If not, that's the direction I would look.
Oh my goodness sweety that doctor is wrong! Never too old for a diagnosis! My brother was diagnosed with Autism at 32! Its helped him greatly having a diagnosis!
My nephew is on anti depressants as part of managing his autism, he also wasn't "depressed" but he was getting very anxious and that anxiety would make him lash out in anger and he'd hit and kick etc....the anti depressents plus a really good psychologist have really helped that little fella. Keep trying! Demand to be listened to. Demand you couldn't give a rats about the lack of funding, you just want answers.