hi Mummas ,
Just after some advice ! Please no judgement .
I have a gorgeous almost 4 year old and I gave birth to our 2nd little princess 14 weeks ago . We discovered last night that I'm pregnant again . It was so irresponsible on both mine and my husbands behalf as we should have been using condoms ! I went to my gp not long after the birth after I finished spotting , he advised me to start taking the pill on the first day of my next period ... Well that period never came . I knew something was wrong when it didn't arrive and took 2 tests ! Both positive . I am so angry at myself because I should have known better than to think ' you just had a baby , what are the chances ? Slim to none ! ' well boy was I wrong . My husband and I are both devastated as we just cannot keep this baby ! I hate the thought of termination and it completely breaks my heart ! I'm a mess :( I would have loved another baby but it is just too soon ! We don't have a big enough car , a big enough house , my last pregnancy was extremely hard on my body and I suffered a lot with a complicated pregnancy , we have a wedding to plan and 2 little girls go support . My youngest won't even be 12 months old ! We have made the mutual decision to terminate . I am so upset and angry at myself ! This will be my first termination and have no idea what to expect and am looking for advice . The thought of being put under a general anaesthetic scares the hell out of me ! Can you request to be awake under local anaesthetic ? How is recovery after the procedure ? How is the procedure handled ?
Pregnant 14 weeks after birth
Pregnant 14 weeks after birth
Posted in:
Pregnancy
20 Replies
What state are you in?
That early on in pregnancy I believe you will only be given 2 pills there will be no need for surgery. I believe one pill is administered in a clinic you will get cramps and bleeding and the second pill is taken at home.
If you are in queensland there is a wonderful not for profit organization that councils women in these situations and helps with the best outcome for you and your family it is called children by choice you can find them on facebook.
Don't be angry at yourself. Surprises like these happen.
My sister had 3 under 1! (Singleton then twins 10 months later-7 weeks early).
I have a 3 year old and a 9 month old, and if I was ever in your position, I would chose the same path as you.
No advice, just wish you all the best.
Honestly, if I found myself pregnant today I would have an abortion. There is no way mentally I'm equipped to raise another child or carry a child to term and put it up for adoption!
I'm in Victoria . Im just so upset , it's really taken a toll on me , but I know termination is the best option for myself and our family ! We just cannot do it . Thank you for all your advice / kind words !
I have had a termination, the procedure itself feels like nothing. I had 2 tablets then went under for a D & C. Woke up and felt fine, had minimal bleeding for 3days. This was 14months ago and i still struggle some days, i know i made the right decision for my situation but i know i will also wonder 'what if'
Please seek out counselling beforehand. I understand your situation and in no way am I judging. But from personal experience, the emotional after effects may well be worse on your family than the lack of space and financial resources. The emotional after effects for me were extreme and lasted almost 2 years after and I can hand on heart say I'd never choose it for anyone. Luckily for me I didn't have any kids that I was taking it out on but m poor family knew about it! Good luck xx
I'm in Vic and had one done 4 months ago due to already having 3 kiddies and not wanting to have to get a new car and bigger house. I opted to have the surgical termination due to the fact it is easier on you and safer. The pill version will essentially cause you to have a miscarriage and if it doesn't work properly you will have to have a curette aswell. With the surgical you are only unconscious for about 30 min. The staff were really amazing, they make you feel comfortable and do not judge you. I don't know where you are located but I went to the women's centre in Hampton Park. They were amazing and made me feel comfortable with my decision. Don't beat yourself up, it happens. I felt guilty about it aswell but it was the best decision for our family. I just knew there was no way I could cope with another baby or even carrying it to term after my last pregnancy and delivery was so complicated. Chin up chickie and hugs to you.
I was pregnant 8 weeks after my first birth.. needless to say its scary as shit, i know have 2 gorgeous children who are the best of friends, its not my intention to make you re think, i considered a termination also
But 4 years later i cant help but think how lucky i am and id never change a thing.. also i was only 19 at the time..
Good luck with what your family decides, and congrats on the birth. X
Can you not take the tablet being so early on?
You don't want to be awake while the procedure is happening... Going under was quite easy and not at all stressful, it's a needle through the IV and then your asleep... I woke up quite groggy and nausea and did vomit a couple of times, however everyone is different... Recovery and healing was quite quick and painless, I had little to no pain and little bleeding... It was all very straight forward and quite painless. Well done on making the choice your husband and you wanted.... Good luck.. I was 10 weeks when I had mine done..
Get to a GP asap, so you have the chance to use the medication called RU486. It can only be used up to a certain number of weeks. If you did need to go the surgical path, the procedure is only about 10 minutes. Get in early so you can way up your choices... good luck
I have been where you are. We terminated as we had 2 under 2 at the time and emotionally and financially we weren't in a good place. It wasn't possible to bring a child into our life. It is a very hard decision to make and I know I made the right one for our family at the time but it is also a decision I will regret the rest of my life as I would love more children now.
Please think about it very carefully as you can't take it back!
And the process is very simple really they ladies I went through were lovely and my recovery was simple just had slight cramping like a period. Good luck in whatever you decide and remember it is your life and your decision only you can know what is right for you.
If youre under 9 weeks you can have a medical termination, taking 2 lots of pills in your own time. It's not too painful. If you go to a women's health centre it's free. You need a pre and post ultrasound
I'm not sure about if you can be awake but I'm glad I wasn't at mine is assume it would be horrible to be awake for it. Only takes about 15 minutes and recovery was really good, no more pain then normal period pain light bleeding and regular periods started again 6 weeks later. I'd suggest to do the surgery as everyone I know who took the pill suffered badly with pain bleeding and problems later on, I'm obviously not against abortions at all because I've had one but it is my biggest regret I didn't cope well afterwards with guilt I did it because I didn't think we could do it financially but I really wish we did, good luck X
My heart hurts for you. I have been reading through the replies on FB and the few here too. Most are lovely and supporting!
I was raped and fell pregnant with twin boys (first pregnancy) which I made the decision to carry. At 18 weeks there was massive complications and I was made to choose between my life and theirs. With a very heavy heart I terminated my pregnancy.
My second pregnancy came about 18 months later but again I made the decision to terminate. I was not mentally, emotionally or financially stable.
Some people think I'm a monster for it all. I did what I had to do for me. Not for anyone else. I now have my pidgin pair and they are only 14 months and 3 weeks apart. They are the best of friends and I am able to be the best mummy I can to them.
Do my decisions from my past hurt? Hell yes!
Do I wonder every day and have "what if" moments? You better believe it!
What matters is you. You have to be ok with your decisions. From the sound of it you have an amazingly supportive partner. I do highly recommend seeing a councillor to get it all out though if you do choose to go ahead with it all.
Thinking of you and wishing you the best xo
You had unprotected sex. As did your partner. And, as how nature works, you fell pregnant. Now you want to get rid of it because s/he won't fit into your lifestyle? I am truly sorry if I come across blunt but seriously? This is a life your talking about. I'm both pro life & choice. But it was yours & your partners CHOICE to have unprotected sex.... I have a few children. Two in which are very close in age. In my circumstance I was on the pill but it didn't work (mini pill wasn't covering me as my normal pill did), but I did the deed. As did my partner.
We had to upgrade our car, move house & I did have to return to work earlier than expected after birth to cover extra costs. But this child shouldn't have to pay for my error. My daughter is loved beyond any measure. Think long and hard about your decisions.
Hardly pro choice with that post. I highly doubt its because she wants a lifestyle. Sometimes we cannot afford(not only financially but emotionally and physically) to have children we would love to. This poster doesn't sound like she wants an extra holiday or a fancy car. She sounds like a realist who knows what they can and cannot handle.
I was asleep, I don't know how I would of coped if I was awake.
All the staff were super supportive. After it was not to bad physically but mentally and emotionally it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I went home not telling anyone what had happened. I didn't seek support. I thought I could cope on my own.
How I was wrong, I spent the next three months in bed, I couldn't get up, I couldn't sleep, I could not function. Thankfully after 3 months I finally let my sister in emotionally and she helped me try and put my life together. 9 years later I am now seeking help to get over it. I don't regret it, I made the best decision for myself at the time. But what I am saying is please seek support at every point possible. You need everyone to come around you, hold you and support you. Don't try and go it alone. Let people in. 9 out of 10 won't judge you, they are going to love you no matter what.
I wish you well. I'll be thinking of you. Xx
I'd strongly suggest counseling. I had a termination 6 years ago and at the time I was 100% ok with it. But i now have to live with regret for the rest of my life. I constantly feel guilty and cry myself to sleep thinking about what could have been.
We just had our 4th 5 months ago and the 6 of us live in a tiny 3 x 1, the kids have bunk beds and they don't mind. And the car situation isn't a big deal. You can find decent 7 seater cars for a reasonable price, we did, you have 9 months to save (we drove 2 cars everywhere for about 3 months)
My mum had 4 kids, 3 under 3 and while it was hectic at times she managed pretty much on her own because my dad worked a lot but my brothers are so close its great :-)
I always say, you dont regret the kids you do have but you will regret the ones you dont.
Remember your hormones are still all over the place from the birth so dont make any rash decisions.
I had a 3 year old, a 2 year old and a 14 week old when I discovered I was pregnant with my fourth. We'd just bought our first home, that was only just big enough for the 5 of us, we didn't have a car that could fit an extra child and we were neither mentally and financially ready for another baby so soon. I came very close to having a termination, but I called a counselling hotline first. The lady was lovely, but said that she got a lot of calls from women who'd had children and then terminated a later pregnancy that were filled with remorse for choosing their first children over their last. I already hated the idea of termination, so the phone call really helped me to decide to keep the baby. It was hectic and we struggled, but we managed. We got all the broken sleep, feeding and nappies over in one big go and now they are all 5 and over and pretty much self-sufficient. Because there are 4 of them and they are so close together they teach each other so much and always have someone to help them and play with them. My youngest daughter is the love of my life, my baby, and I truely can't imagine life without her. I can't believe how close I came to not having her around. Even if you are 100% certain about termination now, please at least speak to a counsellor and consider that you might end up regretting the decision down the track. Good luck x