Today, I am feeling like I have failed.
Its 10:30 in the morning and im still laying in bed, home alone. Im a mum to a 5.5 year old boy. In January this year, he was kidnapped while i was over seas.
September of last year my sister hung herself so I decided to relocate overseas where my partner was for a short time. I felt alone. I felt scared. My heart was broken and i just needed a breath of fresh air and some support. My mum came to new Zealand to get my son and take him to Australia for a holiday. He never returned.
A man that my son barely knew. A man that was absent for my sons entire life including the birth. A man that had never had any interest in my son before... found my son and took him and never let my son come home.
I didnt see my son for 5 months. Now i see my son every second saturday for 3 hours. Ive seen him 6 times since january.
Court, travel expenses, medical expenses, accusations... "Mummy, I want to come home". "Mummy, people laugh at me because my mum never comes to the school". Constant heart break.
Years and years of sacrifice. Studying, working, providing, love, seperation anxiety. All my blood, sweat and tears i have dedicated to raising my son, ripped out from underneath me in the blink of an eye.
I am the woman that posted about the father of child recently coming out about being gay. When you tell someone you took their child because youre gay and cannot have children of your own. How the fuck is anyone suppose to react to that!?
I dont know where my son lives. I dont know where he is. I dont know where he goes to school. In my home, it feels like my son is no longer around, it is that empty. Its like a nightmare. Something i would never wish upon my worst enemy.
Today, i feel alone. I feel like i have failed as a mother. What i thought was time to re-kindle and time to gather my thoughts and mourn, has turned out to be the WORST 10 months of my life.
5 Replies
My heart breaks for you.
Maybe contact 60 minutes, a current affair etc. your story is very tragic, they may be able to help you out.
All the best.
And by the way, this isn't your fault! You haven't failed.
Holy crap, that's so tragic. I don't blame you for having mental health issues and still being in bed, I would be an absolute mess. How can he do this? Can't you fight this? I agree with the above, contact 60 minutes, my heart is breaking for you xxxxx
Oh my god my heart breaks for you!! Firstly, you have not failed!!! You got screwed over in the worst possible way! You need to get angry and fight this with everything you have!! Do you have any communications from the *father - i use this term loosely* regarding his lack of involvement and that he has taken your child because he can't have others? Is it possible to move back to Australia until you get your son back?
I agree with the first couple of comments, reach out to 60 minutes, a current affair and where ever will listen to your story. I am sending you all the strength in the world and sooo many hugs xxx
You see him every second Saturday so youre in the same country as him? Time to make a plan. Heartbreaking as it is, iit may take a year or more, but if you're working on it, every day, eventually the time will come where it all comes together. All the best
Keep fighting for your son, and keep fighting for yourself. Don't let the crap of this world win. Don't let your son lose his beautiful mumma. See a GP for a mental health plan... you need help to get through this.... good luck xx