I realise this is probably more of a rant than a question but i am really struggeling with the fact that my friend and her partner spend the majority of their money on themselves and not their kids. They have 5 kids aged from 13 to 6 ..these poor kids never get a cent spent on them unless its their birthday or christmas and even then its very minimal and often they get secondhand presents. All of their clothes and uniforms are secondhand or hand me downs from friends including myself and all winter these kids have been running around in summer clothes and must be freezing , i have mentioned it twice now to my friend and she just says oh they don't feel the cold ..meanwhile she is wearing jeans a jumper , boots and a scarf ! They have the best and newest iphones and apple watches and a new mac laptop..buy each other expensive birthday and christmas gifts ..treat themselves out to lunch multiple times a week while the kids are at school. And always have money for alcohol meanwhile they are at different charities every week crying poor and receiving food hampers etc. Neither of them work and they live in a 5 bedroom housing comission house that they only pay $150 a fortnight for. She tells me they never spend more than $150 a week on groceries which i spend $250 for a family of 4 and they are a family of 7 and have multiple pets. They regularly punish their kids for sneaking food ..the poor things are just hungry as they dont believe in kids eating in between meals and dont allow the kids desert ever ( they eat it after the kids are in bed ) . So many times i have held back my words and have distanced myself lately but i see her daily as our kids attend the same school. My husband and i sacrifice for our kids we are far from well off we are a 1 income household but our kids still want for nothing and get to go out and do fun things. Her kids have never been to an indoor play centre or anything like that..everytime i suggest it she says oh we dont have the money for that. Its just so frustrating im not sure how much longer i can hold my tounge. My hubby feels the same and does feel bad for the kids but says its not my place to say anything. Deep down she is a good person but i cant get past how selfish she is. What do i do ?
5 Replies
Deep down, she isn't a good person. Deep down, YOU want her to be a good person.
Her actions say otherwise.
I honestly have no advice because whilst its neglectful compared to most standards, i doubt it would be anything reportable in what you have said.
If it were me, I would distance myself from her. I doubt saying anything would make a difference to someone like her and if you do say something she possibly may turn very nasty and make it difficult for you and your kids at school and events you both attend...
I agree with this comment.
On the surface she may seem like a good person, but deep down she is not.
A good person puts others ahead of themselves - especially their own children.
I know many families that struggle financially (mine included) that manage to make sure their children do not go without. Its about priorities.
I highly doubt child protection will act, but it might be a good idea to make a report so that they have it on file if things get worse.
And as this person suggested, a bit of distance may be a good idea.
There is a mum and dad at my daughters school exactly like this...I actually wonder if it's the same family as they also have 5 kids. The kids have no proper uniform. We have a breakfast club at the school which I volunteer at and these kids will go crazy eating whatever they can. Docs have been called but have done nothing. I guess because they aren't actually abusive and while they may not have proper clothes and a lot of food they do still have clothes and some food...it breaks my heart seeing these kids in dirty, old clothes and the mum is listening to music on her iphone and the dad is smoking.
Yep ive seen neighbours not send kids to school because they had no lunch, meanwhile mum and dad both smoke & drink beer. Its frustrating. I totally agree. With first poster. They're not good people.
If she's supposed to be a friend, I'd let her know there's clearly not no money if there's I phones and lunches out. Its choices.
What shitty parents as to what you can do i dont know, if the kids are sneaking food cause their hungry that's neglect, if they aren't properly clothed thats neglect too, could you speak to someone about your concerns?