This is more of a statement rather than a question but maybe my question is why must some mothers judge? To make themselves feel better?
Just now I had a meltdown putting my kids in the car. After taking them to breakfast as a treat they talked loudly and ran around. So it was no cupcake to take home for them. Of course they were upset but hey you do the crime you do the time.
So when they screamed getting into the car and after getting a slap to the face I cracked and gave a tap on the hand which is a first for me because I believe smacking encourages hitting but you know what it happened. I looked up to see a mother shaking her head and tutting me and telling her two children how awful our situation was. And trust me it was not a positive sympathetic look! That judge mental state cracked me and I started crying and it's been an hour of tears now.
FYI I am I great mum who had a bad morning and is dealing with losing my own mum. So instead of being sympathetic and offering help, this woman decided to sit, tut and judge me. To others who do this I really hope this happens to you one day because my heart has been ripped out.
Please don't judge without thinking what might be going on behind the scenes. You might just find that child having a spack in the aisle hasn't slept or that mum losing her cool has been dealt a bad hand at home.
Let's be there for each other!
3 Replies
I feel for you Mumma, I too have been in situations in public where people have stared when I have reached melting point, it's awful. Most times I end up bawling my eyes out too. So now when I see it happening to another Mumma I make a point of not staring and if I can talk with her. As I know in those times I just needed empathy that being a Mumma is bloody hard at times and that sometimes life's pressures get too much. I don't have full scale conversations but sometimes just a small comment or smile from another Mumma (not a rude smile or comment) can go a long way in helping you and your kids get through those tough days! I lost my Mum before I had kids and there are days I just long for her comfort. All the best Mumma xx
I hate those stares.
You can never win with these 'perfect parents'. They judge you no matter what you do.
If you remain calm and ignore the tantrum or hitting, you're called a lazy parent.
If you punish the child (time out, taking away a toy or treat, smack, whatever), you're a mean parent.
If you're having an absolutely horrible day and lose your cool, you're a bad parent.
No matter what we choose when it comes to parenting, there are people out there who not so quietly judge.
Try and give them the biggest smile you can offer next time. It seems to irritate them when they don't get a reaction.
If it makes you feel any better, I hardly ever yell at my little boy but this one day I was tired from work and generally in a bad mood. My son was holding the keys for me and he lost them and I was yelling at him in the car park and one of the prep teachers (not his) saw me. I was mortified, cried for hours, spent the whole year ducking and weaving to avoid her. At least it was a stranger who will never ever see you again, take comfort in that. Chin up, tomorrow is a new day beautiful mum xxxxxx