Hi IMs
I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant with my second, DS is 5. I stopped working at 28 weeks due to back issues. Which means no income on my behalf. My partner is in a good job earning $120k a year. I know it's a lot. We have gotten use to having a double income and now onto one. I understand. It's a lot of money and should be "easy" to live off that. I'm so use to being able to buy what I want when I want for my child though now being unemployed I'm struggling mentally not having this extra money and having to go through my partner for absolutely everything.
I can't splurge on my son, or my partner.
We have everything we could possibly need. I'm just finding it really hard to stop wanting things and keep telling myself "you don't need it" then I get frustrated and crack it. I've been diagnosed with depression, anxiety and OCD. I don't know if that would have anything to do with it but I get such a happy feeling when purchasing things. Whether it's for myself or family/friends.
Has anyone ever had a "gone from having everything to nothing" moment??
10 Replies
You have hardly gone from everything to nothing. Your partner earns what most families would earn combined in one year! Perhaps you need to start looking at it from the other side- how lucky you were to be in that position. I know it's hard to adjust your lifestyle no matter how good or bad you still have it but I think putting a "gone from all to nothing" view on it is a bit drastic and that negative view is only going to make you feel more sorry for yourself when you should be feeling blessed.
You'll probably cop a lot from people commenting how much income your family still has. I can understand needing to adjust from past spending habits though and especially adjusting to not having your own income (yes your partners income is your income but I struggled big time not financially contributing at all to).
Maybe give yourself an allowance that works into your budget that you can feel guilt free about spending. But maybe try and find something else that gives you that happy feeling - I'm sure your family and friends would value your time more than any gifts you may buy them
Sit down with your partner and discuss how much pocket money you both will have for free spending. That way you know how much you can spend on treats and if you see something you'd like or want you know if you can save up, or afford it then and there.
I have had to cut back from living very easily to living on a pension so I know what it is like. It's ok to be upset about it, but over time as you practice not buying things then you will start to feel more comfortable. Also think about how you show/equate love. What could you do for your child/friends /family to show that you love and care for them that doesn't mean buying gifts.
Well your partner earns the same as us in two years haha! So your pretty lucky! I think you need to sit down with your partner and decide how much "play" money you each get for the week and go from there.
It takes my husband & I combined two years of work (with 3 kids) to earn what your husband does alone in one year. You really need to wake up to yourself (I'm not saying that in a horrible way either) & realise that your family is very blessed to have what you have & get used to living within your means. We live, I think, very comfortably on our income, we don't go without essentials & still have a little play money left over. Prioritise & do a budget
Cut out impulse buys. No see it and want it purchases at all. If you still want it in 48 hours, then maybe look at how to get it. Saves me heaps :)
It sounds more like your looking for something to replace the buzz you get from shopping ! With anxiety and depression we look for things that make us feel good even if it's for a brief moment . Whether that be shopping or food or for others they turn to drugs . Having an injury doesn't help as you can't turn to something like excercise .... WhT else do you enjoy ? Do you like craft ? Photography ? Music ? Sewing ? Find yourself a hobby ! One you can pick materials up cheap or use what you have already laying around the house !? Get on Pinterest and look for a project ? Hook up with friends for play dates for your child keep your self occupied until bubbas comes ! Then you'll be tired and busy anyway ;)
Maybe speak to a counsellor about the unrest your feeling ?
I know lots of people are saying you still have a lot but it's srill a change to your lifestyle and that can be tough ! Good luck mumma
We went from having a a substantially higher family income to literally no income and living off our savings. It takes time to radiation especially when there are still bills to be paid and instead of living comfortably and easily affording the extras, you're stressing about whether you can afford rent plus food plus daycare plus the rest of the bills let alone when the next job is going happen.
We have sold a lot of things including a pair of earrings that meant the world to me just to ensure after the bills were paid there's still good in the cupboard and meals on the table. We now have an income of less than half of what we used to have and we need to make some tough decisions in the near future - which may mean deferring my study until we're back in a better position.
You just do what you have to, family is everything and you can't take possessions with you. If you're in a position to perhaps try consolidating debt to make it more comfortable for you. All the best with the impending birth of your baby too
Suck it up princess! You sound like a spoilt child.
Speak to professionals about your mental problems, but other than that, you have NOTHING to complain about.
People like you frustrate me to tears. You pretty much have EVERYTHING, but you whinge like you have nothing. Get over it!
Hi Fellow IM!
I won't even bother reading the other comments coz i know what they would say!
But let me tell you, my hubby earns the same! And once you have lived a certain lifestyle, it is hard to see anything else.
I am pregnant also, the only difference with me is i only recently started work and will not reach the 12 month mark for maternity leave.
But i see you deeper concern. Independence.
It's not about the spending or not spending, it's about the independence of having your own money! Sit and have a chat with hubby... i hate the word "allowance" but see what you and hubby are happy to spend on those extra items and go from there! It's a learning curve :)
Goodluck mumma!