Hey ims, I need advice on how to deal with something... I don't want anything unhelpful, or nasty (towards my husband)
So I do the budgeting in the house, I deal with all the bills, shopping, fuel - the lot... We're always stressed about money, but that's life. How do I stop hubby from spending and wasting money without being controlling? He has 6g of data on his phone and still manages to go over, he'll spend here and there on little unnessessary things but it all adds up, he also has a gym membership he doesn't use but doesn't want to get rid of. He hates talking about money and he gets angry over it. But I just don't get it - he has things he really wants/ needs that we can't afford but he's happy to give all his money to these companies. It's got to the point where I don't see any point in budgeting whatsoever and its my birthday this week and he wanted money left over to get me something but ive just found out I have more bills to pay ?
Money woes
Money woes
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Money
11 Replies
If it is "his" money you need to look for work to support yourself and your family. If you have sat him down and spoken to him a few times and he still won't listen theres not much else you can do. You can't change someone else behaviour or attitude. If he is the only one bringing in an income maybe suggest taking control of the money having it go into your account and then giving him a budget but if he doesn't go for this there is no other option but pay for it yourself and/or separate, I'm not meaning to be harsh and not judgmental just going off of my own experience...
You tell him straight! Write it all down. What you spend the money on. Next to the gym membership you write (you don't even use it, so it's money down the drain) you give it to him and keep a copy. You tell him that he needs to pull his spending in because it's affecting everyone not just him and if he doesn't like it then he needs to go out and get a second job to pay for all the extra things he wants. Tell him you've been fair and he needs to sit down and have a calm conversation with you before it gets out of hand. If you get yourself into a fortnightly/weekly/monthly budget where you put money into each bill you know will be coming in because they're always coming in you could finally attempt to get yourselves in front. I'm living off of CL and live on a strict budget no extras unless they can be afforded.
Definitely sit him down and show him the budget. Sit down and ask him where he thinks you could cut back.
But honestly if you want to save your sanity, get back to work ASAP. If he won't communicate you are going to need your own money.
Thanks guys. He works 2 jobs already :/ I'm worried if I get a job, daycare will be unnafordable. I put money into the bills fortnightly, so when I see that the phone bill is in arrears by $70 I just think wtf. Seriously a losing battle.
I can get a job and let him pay for his stuff, but that's not going to fix it. He's going to keep spending and then he'll run out of money to pay the things that need to be paid and I'll have to cover it. And we'll be working all these extra hours and sitting on the same income as before
With the phone data do you have the Internet at home ? Does he use wifi where he can ? Have you got your phones bundled with home internet ? Who is he with have you shopped around for the best deal ? (We do aldi mobile who give you 5g data with calls and text for $35 or 7g with calls and data for $45 - byo phone though ) and have unlimited internet at home as we stream a lot and it saves us a fortune Compared to what we used to spend !!
I'd also show him the total amount he's spent so far on his gym membership that he doesn't use and how much in total it will cost over the year and compare it to the cost of something he's been wanting and will actually use ! Sometimes the bigger figures can open someone's eyes compared to the eg only $30 a month
Money is such a hard topic esp when they are working so hard ! I'm a SAHM and do our budgeting too . Hubby works 2 jobs also and It's a constant balancing act of making sure we have what we need but also to make sure hubby feels like he's getting some extra little rewards for working so damn hard !
I figured I'd be more valuable if I can get us saving than getting a job and fuelling the spending sprees. I dunno. I guess this is what I'm going to try to pass onto my kids - how to manage and save money!!!!
It's infuriating!!!
Make a budget that he agrees on, set out bills, fyel , car, rent, etc etc then with leftover emergency, savings, savings for family goals (how much will you put aside for a holiday, day out, show tickets, whatever you're working on) and spendings each of you.
His choices fall into this, and it is his choices. You can't micro manage a person they feel life less. He won't do what you do. But if he wants something he'll soon figure out how to make it happen.
I know a couple that has 3 bank account his hers and ours. All thr pay goes into the combined account to pay for the bills and then whats left over is divided between the two and transfere into each persons account. Then if that person wants to buy something they use the money from their account. Perhaps something like this would work for you husband
This is such a hard one- my husband was a disaster when it came to money! He was a waster, he had to spend every last dollar just because he had it! To the point where I never used to buy myself anything because he was too busy spending all our money on himself. I have managed to get him to a point where it is manageable, he is much more aware these days about spending and budgeting. It was a combination of a forever cranky girlfriend/wife and me making him do the budget so he could see where the money went! It was hard to do that because I had no faith that the bills would actually get paid but i was at my wits end and had no better ideas lol
First, for the phone, my partner did the same so I called the phone company and fixed it. When my partner goes over his allowance on his plan they cut him off until the following month so if he uses all of his calls he can only make emergency calls until the new cycle, see if yours can do the same for the internet. If not, tell them you're going to look for one that can, it might make them get off their asses and actually see if they can. Then sort your bills into "family", "his" and "yours". Add up all income from both of you and take out family expenses. "Family" bills are electricity, mortgage/rent, water etc. Since he is the only one working you could include cars/rego/insurance/fuel too. After you take out all of the family expenses divide what's left in half. His half has to cover his gym membership, phone, spending money etc aka HIS SHIT. He'll soon learn what he can and can't afford. My partner sucks with money so I worked out how much he needs to give me each week to cover the needs (mortgage, house and contents insurance, rates, water, gas and electricity) and I take care of them. What he has left is his to cover his own costs (read:wants), so his car and all associated costs, ditto his boat, loan payments, stocking his beer fridge etc. If he doesn't budget well and leaves himself short it doesn't matter as the needs are covered, in the big scheme of things if his car isn't paid for, his rego isn't paid, he can't get a kilo of his favourite ribs from the local butcher or the beer fridge is unstocked it doesn't phase me at all. Sometimes it just takes that wake up call of seeing the money dwindle away for them to realise it's not infinite and giving them the responsibility of non-essentials is probably the safest way to do it with someone who just sucks at it. There's hope, my partner has a stocked beer fridge most weeks so he's balancing what he's got to work with (well the bank hasn't repoed his car anyway lol).