I am sick... absolutely sick.
I recieved papers off my exs solicitor threatening to take me to court for our daughter. He is claiming that i have gone back on our mediated plan and i am refusing him visitation.
I currently have her seeing a psychologist due to extreme anger and emotional issues after her visits with her father.
I should also add he lives 15 hours away and she visits for 2 weeks, every 8-10 weeks. She is 6. He also asked for flexibility within this plan.
She was supposed to visit recently, but i made him aware 3-4 weeks before the visit that i had family functions and work, so it needed to be pushed back one week (making it 9 weeks since last visit).
He is now saying that i blatantly refused him.
I don't know what to do. I am 10 weeks pregnant. I am so stressed. I am just constantly crying. I have been reading recent family court cases and every single one, the father wins full custody of the child. I honestly have not read one where the mother has won! These are all recent cases too of July 2016 in NSW.
I have always been accommodating. His extended family members have even visited a number if times, and I've agreed for her to spend the day with them.
He always uses manipulation, threats and intimidation to get his way. Always. And now here i am again, shaking and crying, coz i am terrified i will lose my baby girl... a fear that he and his family have implemented from the moment she was born.
Do i have any hope? Any chance?? What are my rights as a mother?
I'm a good mum, yeah i make mistakes, but don't we all? I don't do drugs or drink alcohol, i dont hang out with the wrong crowd. I have family and support here. I have my husband and so much love :(
Why is he trying to ruin it again :(
5 Replies
Firstly, There is no "win" in family court.
In 99% of cases, it's the child that looses.
What he is saying is hearsay. It'll go back to court, and new orders will be drawn or you refuse and it goes to trial.
Recommend your daughter get an ICL and go from there. Suggest the ICL to your solicitor.
It'll workout, don't stress. :)
Firstly don't panic. It might not even make it to court. There are a lot of factors in each case that you can't necessarily tell from the court rulings. So get off the internet!
Threats to go to court are not the same as taking you to court. Court is really expensive and your ex probably won't have access to legal aid.
Get your documentation together. Paper trails, text messages, emails. Letters from the psychologist supporting what is going on. Go see a women's legal service. But in the meantime re book for mediation (pre-emotively) if he refuses mediation that's a tick against him in court. I'm assuming your daughter is going to be starting school so the current plan is unworkable next year anyway. He will need to be prepared to fit in with school holidays from next year onwards! So it's a good opportunity to get everything sorted.
As long as you have texts etc where you have offered alternatives and where he has wanted to change times there shouldn't be an issue.
Don't panic. You may have read these things but a friend of mine did win FULL CUSTODY!!
She has her son full time and just went for her daughter. She now has full custody of her daughter and only has to take her daughter to sydney (4 hours away) once every 6 months for a 30 minute meeting with her daughters father, IF her father doesn't show up on the date and time my friend says, ALL GONE. She never has to take her daughter to Sydney ever again to see him. Simple as that. The judgement ruling was harsh on this one, no reasons behind it, no abuse and no threats. She just simply wanted her daughter full time and got her. My friend got what she wanted and is on cloud 9 right now. This was only 2 weeks ago. If she can do it, SO CAN YOU!
Good luck x
Just breathe!!
You have proof through text messages, emails... He would need to be a magician to pull a rabbit out of his ass to get what he wants.
I'm sure those cases had mitigating reason for the custody of the children to be granted primarily to the father and usually it's because the children's best interests are not met with the mother.
Breathe Mama
Threats to go to court, are very different to going to court. His solicitor is forwarding a letter, paid to do so, based on what the father is saying. It will look intimidating but push that aside, as its just words. A lot needs to occur before court. You could even think about giving that solicitor a call or responding to their letter (get advice on that first), many are lovely people, if they are not helpful - end the conversation. Are you in NSW? In Qld, mediation (again or first) must occur before court hearings can be requested. That man is being a total ass and trying to intimidate. Breathe, gather your paperwork, get legal advice (there should be free legal, women's legal services available nearby) continue with the therapy, stay strong, keep on track, look after your pregnancy, and continue to do the right thing by your child. It will work out. Family law judges have been around and seen it all, they are not silly. And stay off the internet (except for this site) xx