Hi
Ill try keep this Brief!
My 5 year old suffers seperation anxiety. I held her back from school this year but is starting next year in the meantime she goes to Kindy/Pre-Prep 2 days a week however she only goes for a couple of hours AND I stay with her which is exhausting and just annoying.. I Really only take her now for the social aspect but the last few times 20 mins in she begs me to go home and says she hates it there (this is new) she usually is happy to play eat lunch etc.
My question is Should I save my time and money and pull her out?
What else could I do with her instead, she does Ballet once a week and loves it, shes not great with decision making so with the ballet teacher giving her directions shes fine. Maybe another structured class?
Shes on Aniexty medication and her pediatrician seems to think she will go great a school because everyone does the same thing at the same time, same teachers, routine. She hates change one of the main reasons she wont stay at kindy its always changing specially the staff she hasnt really got a relationship with any of them.
Did your little one go to daycare/Kindy before school? Or if not were they ok when starting?
Any advice/info would be awesome!
5 Replies
All my kids had the whole i dont want to go to school to begin with my daughter used to be crying before we even got to school. I found the best thing to do was give them a kiss tell them i will see you at home time and leave. They usually get over it very quickly and are happy enough. Even my 2yr old goes to day care 2 days a week. Doesnt want to leave me when we drop off but loves every min of the day and comes home raving about his day and his art work. As much as it makes you feel like crap sometimes its better to leave them their by them selves. Pluse iam sure they would be happy for you to call and check on her once your gone.
How much anxiety do you have? And is it possible your little ones is worse because of the amount you have?
Has your daughter seen a paediatrician and had an assessment of any type done? By staying with her you're only giving her what she wants. My boys both have autism my oldest one never wanted me to leave, I told him I'd stay for 10mins and then I would be leaving him. If he cried I'd let him cry and continue out the gate reminding him that I would be there at what ever time pick up time was and leave. Teachers are trained to deal with overly emotional children and by never leaving her you're rewarding her for the behaviour that she is exhibiting. She knows that if she carries on enough you will remove her from the environment instead of letting her come to terms with the real world. Also if you don't leave her there she will never be able to cope without you and you cannot be at school every minute of the day you will get in the way of her learning because she will always turn to you and not the teachers. Sorry IM but sometimes you just need to let them go, she will learn that there is nothing to be overly anxious about at school. She'll also never make friends with her class mates if you are always there for her to play with. Once she's made some friends she will enjoy it a lot more.
As a teacher I'd be suggesting you start to leave her. Or school will be very hard for her. If your not conformable with the daycare kinder maybe look into an independent kinder that has consistent staff and children. Kinder is your daughters chance to prepare for school. So you need to help her by allowing her to get used to it. I'd leave and call in 10mins and see how she is or organize with the staff to call you etc.
Even start for 20mins, 30 and increase it each time the amount of time you leave her so she understands your coming back.
Also I wouldn't be giving her the choice. I'd be excited saying kinder today and always focus on the postings of what she'll be doing, seeing and playing with. If negatives come up ignore them and back them up with kinder so much fun etc. So she's not seeing or hearing you repeat the negative feelings.
Good luck you can do this! Now is really better then starting this at school!
My 6 year old has high scale separation anxiety she is not medicated. Do you see a child physcologist? Its been the best thing to us. Also leaving her at day care (not staying) has helped her transition to school as well. The more you stay the worse it will be when you HAVE to leave at school. Id keep her in. Get teachers to distract her and go. She will be fine. Start with 2 hours and build up to the equivalent of a school day if you want transition to be easier for you both next year
If u never leave her she will never learn that it wow I'll be ok and that u will come back. If you're not happy with the kindy she's in change to another one but she needs to be able to go without you or school 5 days a week will be a nightmare for both of you. Get her some counselling to learn techniques to deal with the anxiety (it is super effective for kids). Hard as it is her anxiety will not get better unless you let her see that it will be ok without you and that the fear is worse than the reality. Good luck