Ok so my daughter has come back from her fathers today (separated 2009) telling me she's going to be a big sister.
My heart is broken...
I don't have any feelings for my ex and we have the most amazing co-parenting relationship. The part that hurts is my husband and I have been trying for 4 1/2 years to make her a big sister. Multiple miscarriages and just this weekend while she was away we had our first eggs collected on our first IVF cycle.
Just that joy in her face cut me to the bone... I'm happy for my girl, she's wanted this for years. Praying to God for a baby brother or sister. I just always thought it would be me giving her that experience.
What have other IMs done, surely I'm not the only one who has been here...
4 Replies
First of all best of luck on your first round with IVF and plenty of sticky baby dust so your emby sticks after transfer.
I can fully understand how disappointing it can be when your ex and partner get pregnant easier than yourself. It is perfectly natural to be feeling the way you do when you are having so much trouble conceiving. Don't feel bad about how your feeling.
I never showed my disappointment when my own daughter's father had baby after baby and we (husband and I) were just having problems, I too have had to do the IVF road recently. Try and stay positive as you can to try help your own emby stick.
Sending you big hugs IM, miscarriages are hard. IVF is hard and I wish you all the best in bringing another little person into the world. I know that for me, the last 3 years since I had two losses in a row, have felt like someone is missing in the family but I'm at the point physically where there is no way I can carry or keep trying.
We also have a daughter and wanted so much for her to be a big sister. She's awfully lonely at times even though she has an older brother that we have every second weekend.
All that I can suggest is that you continue to support your daughter and be happy for her.
We had a terrible time with my step-son because he came home one weekend and said "She's only my half-sister" and from that day on he has bullied her, treated her terribly and their entire relationship was tainted because his mother told him to stop talking about her and that she wasn't his real sister.
Your IVF journey is only just beginning, there is still hope.
Keep doing what you have to do to take care of yourself - rest, keep the stress in check, eat and sleep well
Best of luck
Firstly huge hugs.
Secondly I've been in the reverse situation and just wanted to offer the otherside, we gave my stepson his first sibling this year. We were very aware that this would be a sensitive issue for his mum so hubby told her very early so she had as much time as possible to be ok with it. It backfired she tells him constantly that it's not his sister. Please please I beg of you whilst I completely respect and understand how hard this is for you please be outwardly excited for your daughter, fake it if you can. She won't understand your pain. I hope that your IVF works and you too can have the joy, each baby will be exciting for your daughter and you will have that joy with her. I am sure your rainbow baby is just waiting for the perfect moment xx lots of baby dust and love. ☄☄?
Hi Heather, thank you for your comments. I will of course be happy for my daughter. I'm definitely not the kind of mum who lets her own emotions do nasty things. I want my daughter to enjoy this experience regardless of how I feel. I won't ever let her even know that it is a half sibling. Her feelings are more important than mine. I've always had the driving force of knowing that every decision, every comment, every moment I've made decisions with her best interest at heart. When she's an adult, I'll be able to tell her that, hand on my heart. It's hard to put on a happy face sometimes, but time heals all wounds, and I'm already at peace with it.