Where do i start..... my Mum was born after alot of years and had a rough childhood... my dad the love of her life was extremely violent towards her and attempted to kill her numerous times... fast forward 20 odd years and now she is now in her 50's and has been living with PTSD and depression (not the chemical imbalance kind so drugs dont work).. Mum lives alone... is a functional alcoholic.... is addicted to codine... smokes like a chimney.....has social anxiety so doesnt like to leave the house....suffers panic attacks...... she has been to countless doctors, been admitted to hospital and seen psychologists and noone can seem to or want to help her.... She is a hoarder and lives in the past and i struggle with this. I am her only means of transport and her only family and friend..... im not sure what else i can do for her? She is slowly killing herself with the alcohol and prescription drugs.... Im not sure how else to help her.... doctors have failed her... whats next?
2 Replies
I'm sorry your mum is going through this and that you are watching.
I know what it's like to watch someone go through something so complex. It's hard and painful and you just want to help.
Sometimes it is what it is.
The love of my life was sexually abused as a young teen, turned to drugs and alcohol to cope, developed PTSD. Since all that is now agoraphobic etc.
He has been offered a lot of help over the years, but he usually refuses to follow medical advice. Psychiatrists have said that until he stops drinking or using drugs he will be caught in the cycle and they can't help him, because alcohol and drugs un does anything they do. But he won't accept alcohol and drug rehab (see the cycle).
The problem is they can't force your mum to get treatment and to follow instructions. It's not that they don't want to help, they go home as frustrated as you!
They can tell your mum what to do, give advice but your mum has to be the one to do it. It's awful I get it. It's like watching someone kill themselves in slow motion.
What I eventually realised is part of it is a choice to stay stuck, even though part of them wants out and wants to move forward the other part of them wants to stay exactly the same!!
My advice to you, is go get yourself some counselling, you are going to need it. Also get some legal advice. You might need to get power of attourney or guardianship of your mother. It can help you make some decisions regarding your mum, that she may not like, but are in her best interest.
My mum has mental health issues and honestly after 6/7 years of the emotional drainage to our family I have learnt that the only person who can help her is herself. She's been to doctors and they want to help her and set her all up but she just isn't ready to do it so she won't. Same thing for your mother I am afraid, she has to want to change, she has to want it so badly but until then there really isn't much help for her. You just have to continue to support her. I still cannot to this day face my mum and tell her how emotionally hard it is to deal with her and her ways and how much sometimes I can't handle her and need space. I still can't break that to her face to face because I don't want to upset her. But if you are able to then speaking to her and telling her what you see and what you would like to do to help.