I feel so so broken right now. I have been with my husband for 11years. my husband has a porn addiction. At times he would rather watch porn than be with me. When we do have sex its not complete and he struggles to hold an erection. He has anxiety about not being able to hold an erection and will take natural herbal tablets to have an erection. So 2 weeks ago i sat him down and told him i couldnt keep living like this and that things needed to change or i was leaving it was a really hard decission that i didnt take lightly.
Surpisingly enough he agreed he has a problem and that he wants to make things change. So i saw a little hope. I did my research and found a counselor in our state that specialises in these issues. I rang her and poured my heart out to her, didnt mean to but just had to talk to someone about this. We have a suportive family but i just cant being myself to talk to anyone close to me about this for fear of being judged.
We are going to see this counselor at the end of the week. His suposta go by him self but has requested me to go with him for support. Which is fine i told him i would support him 100% but iam also so scared and worried about what's going to come out. Iam really scared his going to say something like his not attracted to me or doesnt love me anymore. Everything else in our life is fine we get along all the time and never fight.
Iam just so very worried this is the beginning of the end for us. I love him so very much and want to work on our issues i just dont know if ive done the right thing.
4 Replies
Of course you've done the right thing. At least this way your relationship has a chance of working out.
Oh sweetie, Big hugs. I think by him seeking help is a big positive that he wants to be with you and loves you. I'm no professional but I think he's living in a porn world fantasy and because porn isn't like the sex you guys have, he's not able to maintain his excitement as he would with porn. All addictions have negative impacts, this sounds like one of them. I wish you both the best of luck. Stay strong lovely.
He needs professional help. I have the name of a fantastic psychotherapist who is very experienced in this area for both you and your husband if your interested. He does sessions via Skype. He recommended I read a book called 'Your Sexually Addicted Spouse How Partnes can cope and heal' by Barbara Steffens. It helped me so much to feel that I'm not alone and everything I was feeling was normal.
Both of you should read 'Out Of The Shadows' by Patrick Carnes. Please know this isn't about you or anything you've done wrong. It is a problem your husband has. Ive been though this, it can be soul destroying for you so id recommend you talk to a profession with expensive in dealing with partners of people with sex addiction. My husband and I are no longer together. He would never admit he had a problem. I wish you guys luck X
I have only been with my partner a few months, but he battled with a porn addiction for over a decade before he met me, and had tried to stop multiple times to no avail. Fortunately for us, it doesn't affect our sex life but he does realise how serious this type of addiction can be whilst in a relationship, so he has tried everything he can to stop completely.
He threw away his Android and bought a $40 brick phone, has ceased all social media (most of which were triggers), no WiFi or laptop and last week he attended an appointment involving Neurolinguistics (similar-ish to Hypnotherapy) which offers a 100% guarantee to be free of an addiction in just one sitting. He walked away with a completely different perspective on life. Although there is "homework" for the next few months, he is more confident than he's ever been about beating his addiction.
I know how you're feeling, and I wish you the very best of luck lovely xxx