Hi Sisters,
I have just found that my husband is using a secret snapchat & Fb account to have sexy msg's with other women. Not ordinary women, but those women who are like online porn stars & prostitutes for lack of a better description. This is the 3rd time I have caught him doing this in the passed 9 yrs. He setups the account downloads pictures from google of other mens "junk" & sends them to these women as enticement to get them to send their pictures.
I will tell you I am horrified and so sick to my stomach that he would spend time trying to make other women feel sexy, desirable & wanted & then say its not cheating if there's no ACTUAL physical contact. What the hell is considered cheating in todays world?
I explain to him that it makes me feel ugly & disgusting & he thinks I am being ridiculous. Also once caught out he lets me have my rant but never gives me details or elaborates on why & when or how we could build the trust back, he just assumes once caught that that is punishment enough & I should carry on life as normal (he takes no responsibility in my eyes) as the injured party he never allows me to talk about it without getting angry. I am lost in this new world of cheating, relationships & marriage. Everytime this has happened I have done research on his secret profiles and used that infomation to give my husband what he wants. But I feel like it doesn't matter because he can't be SEXUALLY honest with me, even though I have given him the freedom & safety to do so. I don't know how to help him to stop this & start a new marriage with him free of this chain weighing us down. Is this even cheating? Is this the new order when it comes to relationships today? should I adjust to this modern world & accept this secret life he so desperately keeps chasing?
Confused, lost & alone.
8 Replies
In my eyes it is cheating.
I personally would be leaving his ass because he isn't going to stop. This isn't about what you do or don't do. It's about him! He has a problem, he doesn't want to fix it, he doesn't care enough about you to stop, he knows it hurts you but doesn't care.
Time to stop trying to get him to see and leave.
This. Three times. I wouldnt even have a conversation with him. Just burn his shit and fuck him off out of your life. Adjust to please him??? Really??? But you know its not that, its not you, theres nothing you can do about this - its all him. do not believe this is the modern world or all men so just settle and accept it. Accept that this relationship is not the right one for you. This man is not the right one for you. You will find so muchbetter.believe that.
Your husband is a disrespectful pig of a man with no integrity. Calling it like it is. I can't believe you are not only accepting his behaviour but also giving him things he's discussed sexually with other women. Kick him out and tell him to go live with his parents like the child he is. He will never respect you if you don't respect yourself enough to say all of this ISN'T OK.
Yes - absolutely. You are being cheated on.
No-one can answer if it's actually cheating because we all have different morals, values and emotions. You feel it's cheating and you've pointed out how it makes you feel but he still does it so to you, yes it is cheating (and I'd feel the same you're not just being overly emotional or irrational) and to me it's very disrespectful of him. 9 years, 3 times and you're the only one trying... Normally I won't advocate for leaving but he needs to step up or you step out. Ultimatum time (Oh how I hate them but they have a use and this is one of them). He attends relationship counselling with you to get the bottom of why he does this, to get a professional insight into what he is doing to you when he continues to do this and if needed even help to stop. If he won't go, you need to leave or he will drag your self worth even lower and no man is ever worth losing that for! If he goes but still continues with what he's doing, well actions speak louder than words don't they? Refer to above because the same applies. I hope he's just being an asshole and sees what he's doing to you as you really do seem to love him, but you have to love you more and if that means walking away from a relationship that is toxic to your confidence and self-esteem, well you gotta do it.
i went through something similar to this. My fiance was having issues with porn. Every weekend he would watch it after i'd go to bed and get himself off. the first time i caught him i shrugged it of as a one time thing, but i soon caught on it was more than that. i ended up confronting him about it and told him how it made me feel but he also said part of him wanted to get caught. We've had plenty of discussions about it and working our way through it.
There is nothing that you can do to help your husband. Either he wants to change or he doesn't I personally wouldn't accept his behaviour, You need to make a choice to either put up with it or take a stand and leave. You should't be in a relationship where your made to feel less than.
Good luck.
Im probably the only one and could be way off track but ..r u sure it's not like interactive porn. If he is using correspondence as stimulation but not actually having any inclination of hooking up then it's like online video games. He knows there not real but the chase is good. he's probably confused why your making this about you and embarrassed at being found out and pissed off you ruined his fun.... You can free yourself either mentally or physically based on what your prepared to accept.
HUGE difference between a camgirl and a prostitute. Just saying.