I have been a victim of psychological, emotional and financial abuse for years, to outsiders everything looks normal, in fact he has so many friends who all think he's wonderful. But behind the scenes he has put me through hell, I am emotionally exhausted, fuzzy headed by the constant hot and cold behaviour and have finally reached a stage where I can't take any more of his control. I have been living off a very small amount since leaving work to have our children. I have been seeing a DV counsellor and centrelink have just started offering me support after I spent a morning crying in their office. I was feeling hopeful that I could get out and so rang Dept of Housing who said they could offer me 3 weeks bond assistance, which would mean I would have to come up with the other three weeks and I have spiralled downwards again, I feel so trapped, there is a three year waiting list on housing in my area so that is not an option either and I would have to go private rental. Unless you go to a shelter it is so hard to get out! One comment I got from a lady was 'even if you have to feed your children baked beans' but they don't seem to be getting that I can't even afford the 3 weeks, I have never had access to his money. Is there something I'm missing or are my choices to either go to a shelter or to stay and try to save up. I am trying to protect my children as much as possible, I see going to a shelter as causing further trauma. I am seriously trying to find answers, can anyone give me advice?
10 Replies
Yes you need to go to a shelter. It will get you where you need to go the fastest!
Otherwise if you have a family member who can take you in that's an option.
Hi all you lovely ladies, if you ever somehow stumble across this post again just want to let you all know I did leave xxxx thank you for all your support
When I finally left I had to be sneaky about it cause he wasn't going to let me leave. I went on a "holiday" to my parents place and haven't gone back and don't intend to go back either. It was extremely hard financially and emotionally but 6 months on, I am in such a good place now. I have a job, a house and kids and I are finally happy. You can do this, it will be hard but it will also be so worth it.
Hi all you lovely ladies, if you ever somehow stumble across this post again just want to let you all know I did leave xxxx thank you for all your support
Do you have a family member or friend you can stay with while you save to get your own place? If not, go to a shelter. If that's what you have to do, do it. Please. Be strong for your kids. It may seem hard now but in the long run you will be better off. You and your kids deserve better.
Hi all you lovely ladies, if you ever somehow stumble across this post again just want to let you all know I did leave xxxx thank you for all your support
Hi Mumma, I understand your concern regarding shelters but I'd like to share my experience with you. For reasons that aren't "the norm", my siblings and I resided in a women's shelter with our mother for over a year. I was 10 and 11 at the time. We spent a couple of weeks within the actual shelter (which actually consisted of a block of units- so there was privacy etc) and we were then moved to a semi detached house around the corner. The experience wasn't too bad to be honest. My siblings and I made friends and there was a kids club that we were all apart of. Most importantly though, all 4 of us came out of it completely unscathed.
Regarding money for your bond, speak to Anglicare and the Salvation Army. They may be able to offer assistance. If not, do contact your local womens shelter and see what assistance they can offer. Also, if and when you do start receiving Centrelink payments, you can apply for an interest free loan with them and they then deduct a small amount out of your payments each fortnight.
You CAN do this! You are strong, smart and a wonderful mother! Most importantly, you are not alone! Xx
Hi all you lovely ladies, if you ever somehow stumble across this post again just want to let you all know I did leave xxxx thank you for all your support
I have been where you are and like you I didn't want to go to a shelter to cause the children upset and also I felt I was being dramatic by going there and that everyone would think I was causing drama for nothing. I have no family here so that wasn't an option. I was slowly slowly saving and getting my ducks in a row when suddenly something snapped in me. I found a friend to stay with for 3 weeks and the children went there the next morning while I packed up our lives and hired 3 men in a truck to move the lot. I was in my own place 3 weeks later, that was 12 months ago. People have questioned it but not everyone. They can't keep up the pretence forever and his true colours have started to show since I left. You don't realise how much your mind is being controlled until you leave, for months I could still hear him in my head making me question and doubt myself. It's a big move. But you can do it and never look back. Mine never let me have access to money either and I had pocket money to scrape by on as he told me we were skint - turns out he had it all hidden in various trusts. Get out. Get strong and get ready to fight that arsehole!!! If you're in cairns comment below and we will try to make contact, I'm still going through it all now via court, and am happy to help you.
Hi all you lovely ladies, if you ever somehow stumble across this post again just want to let you all know I did leave xxxx thank you for all your support