9 years ago i gave birth to a beautiful little boy threw some pretty awful circumstances.. When he was a few months old i fell in love with a man and we had two more children together we were together 9 and a half years before we split for good a few months ago. During the whole time my son has only known him as dad and he hasn't been treated any differently has been welcomed by family etc and has a great relationship with everyone even after the split. well all of a sudden it's apparently wrong to continue lying to my child and he should know the truth... i know this time will come but his only nine and to find out his dad isn't dad i feel will destroy him... his just starting to deal with the separation and has been improving at school... i know he will need to know but the questions are going to lead to more lies i will never tell him how he was convinced or who his bio dad is and i don't think either of us are ready for this i guess I'm asking if anyone has been down this road or has some advice what was the outcome? how old was the child? am i wrong for having kept it quiet this long? I'm only looking out for his best intrests... I'm feeling very confused and emotional right now and we haven't even told him... Please no harsh judgments i done what i thought was right
1 Replies
I think it's a really good idea to contact a child psychologist or relationships Australia for advice. Yes your son needs to know that his 'dad' isn't his biological dad and even in adoption circles they encourage parents to be honest about that from the start.
That doesn't mean you tell him everything. Yes without knowing the circumstances it's hard to know what to say and what to leave out. He is still a little boy, but a trained psychologist/coubsellor can help you frame that.
My own sons father did a runner at 6 weeks old. So we framed that as his dad didn't have the skills to look after a child and he knew I'd do a really good job. Now I'm assuming your situation is very different so get professional help on how to frame it.