Hi I.M's,
I recently called it off with my abusive (emotionally) husband. After a week of back and forth discussions crying screaming etc, we finally decided to do seperated under 1 roof.
He works away and left to go back to work today but i already feel like seperated under 1 roof is the wrong decision; and that i should move out on my own. Problem is we have already filled out the forms and i took them into centrelink today to get the ball rolling and im not sure i can now change it until after it has all been processed.
I feel like staying in the same house is only going to cause more heart ache for my 10yr old and prolong the inevitable 50/50 custody and seperation of our younger kids (who have never been away from me for any longer then 1 night). My ex and i have decided to be amicable regardless of what happens as we both know; and have decided that the kids deserve that much.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
6 Replies
If he is emotionally abusive he will continue to enotionally abuse you while you live together! You know that deep down in side.
It's never a long term option to live under the same roof anyway.
You can change your application at anytime you like. You just ring them up and tell them and they will tell you what to do.
It's going to take you some time to find a place on your own anyway. It's never instant. So you could just go through with the application until you find a place.
I think youre right for all of the reasons you said, its time to move. You need the space from him to truly get your old self back and find your new independent self. You just update your asdress with centrelink its simple. Things will settle down and youll fidn your new groove soon enough, exciting changes coming your way.
50/50 is not "inevitable", it depends on what's best for the kids
Seek legal advice asap
I don't think being separated and living together is a good thing. It would also be extremely confusing for your kids.
I have done the 'separated under 1 roof' thing - well, we tried to qualify for that but Centrelink decided we did not, so I had to LIVE as tho separated but got no payments for it & even got less Centrelink cos my youngest turned 8, & I couldn't find or get part-time work to fit in school hrs so was only on FTB, yet my 'husband' expected me to pay half for everything from our separate bank accts .. Etc ... Anyway my point is it was a raw deal for me & I still had him complicating things & 'looking over my shoulder' & questioning me on things etc, while he went out & about with his mates or cooked for & visited the single woman next door that he was so helpful to .... DONT DO SEPARATED UNDER 1 ROOF, *stuff that!!* unless you guys are trying to work yourselves out & get back together, but if u both know it's over then don't go thru this as it will just waste more time & it will definitely take it's toll on you & your kids.
Tried it, it didn't work! He Continued to be emotionally abusive. Lovely 50/50 isn't inevitable. Its whats best for the children. 50/50 doesn't work in all case scenarios. Its whats best for the kids. Call legal aid today and get some advise. And you dont have to wait for anything to be processed, just move out as soon as you can and call centerlink and tell them you've moved out.